My Ko-Fi

My little new project. I will be doing some more art, poetry and quite pissible a couple other things. This should be fun. Here is the link My Ko-Fi

Take a Look at Spotify

 Spotfy Newsroom

What a day!

 My day was pretty simple today. Trashed to be dumped, dished to wash and laundry,  forever laundry needed to do. With these meds its hard to wake in the morning unless I set an alarm. Low and behold  I forgot. What a goof. So everything but laundry was tended to. I did get to finish one of my coloring pages today. I posted in my group Adult Coloring Book Colorist at Facebook [Meta]. You should check it out.

We did have a appraiser competition out to the property where we live. These potential buyers and looking more and more likely to buy. That there means we will have to move. Fortunately, the landlord has another property he is willing to let us reside at. Little bit more rent but the property is worth it. Will be New Cuyama instead of Cuayama. Our rent is only five hundred here so I'm sad to see it go if we have to move. Besides my fiance has done so much on this place its insane. Kinda worked himself out of our home. Lol...  oh well change is inevitable these days. We will make it work somehow as we do. Like they say do the good thing and the money will come. A friend of ours will be able to live in the granby house on the property so that's cool. 

I did received my new bedding today...yeah! I'm off my rocker I think. LoL...  I bought all white bed in a bag. Couldn't help myself as the eight piece was only less than fifty dollars. Gotta love Wayfair. It's perfect being that it is so hot here. Today being over a hundred degrees. The comforter is very thin and will be just that little needed comfort you get b from bed spread. 

We did get in the jacuzzi  yesterday. So nice... when the weather is as it is. Too hot to be inside the house without air-conditioning. Even though it's still overly warm. Getting to cool down is very nice. 

This jacuzzi was given to us for free if we could get it off the property and move it to home. Boy oh boy was that a mission. It took almost a week for them to figure it out. They built a trailer so that they could put it on wheels to drive it home. Mind you up a hill and a few back dirt roads later at four to five  miles per hour.....that made it. As you can see it is not small. 

Tomorrow is laundry day. My fiance said he would me. Lots to do and its nice not to do it on my own. I get anxiety about people, places and things. Unless I know where I'm at, who is with us and whats going on I not ok. I'm better in a small group so I don't isolate or clam up too much. 
I have gain a few pounds and I think its because of the estrogen, menopause and other vitamins I mentioned earlier that I'm taking. I've been told I'm much more relaxed and calm. Its OK, just miss the gym so much!!!! 

Gotta go see whats for dinner. Tomorrow is another day. Take Care. ~ B

Color my world and keep me cool!

I started coloring again. It has been at least eight months or so maybe longer. It feels really good. I was kinda stuck on the interior design games, so this is a good break. Keep the creative juices flowing. You can view my coloring pages at My Colorbook Printable Plus More. I also stated a group on Facebook for others to post their coloring pages to if you like  Shareing and being inspired by others is great. The group name is Adult Coloring book Colorist. 

On the home front, I have been doing well. My fiance noticed I'm quite a bit calmer these days. I have to attribute that to the menopause and estrogen vitamins I'm taking. They also have helped in me gaining weight. Not too bad at lease my boots are growing too.....LOL. Meds have been almost the same and Ability has been really helping lately but at night when I suppose to be going to sleep I can take Zyprexa. The voices and noise can be quite disturbing. One time when I was in the hospital the nurse told me he knew  how I felt because he has four children. My reply was, at least your go to sleep! LoL. Not funny but is. 

We may be having to move because the landlord wants to sell. Big bummer but I hope he moves us to one of his other property's. One in which is gated and has a lot of open space. Not to mention I on right next to a vineyard. The cool thing is that there is already running water. No well to have to maintain. That by the way has been pain staking. Dealing with the different types of pumps and pressure has been kinda a headache. No worries though my fiance always pulls through and figures out how to make it work. This property we are on value went up quite a bit when my fiance fixed that well. The landlord is appreciative and will help us regardless if and when we have to move. They want to keep him around as he has been doing the work on their propertys. Good job babe!!!!

Its another hot year again but not nearly as hot as last year. Its been ninety to the one hundreds. The fan, swamp cooler, air co ditioner bill is killer with PG & E, but we have to have them on. We have all three types.lol. My fiance actually found a wifi air-conditioner, he loves using the app to control it. 

So about the dirt in the window. Its so hard to keep up with it. Dirt ground everywhere and when the wind picks up its all over the place. It really does a good job. Surprising too because he found it at the dump. Someone threw it away because it stopped working. All that needed to be done was to clean the inside up a bit. He knows how to fix just about anything. It runs like a champ. 

Overall, things are steady and not chaotic which is nice. My back and hip are feeling better thank goodness. Just will have to take it easy on the elliptical from now on. Not as strong as I once was so its difficult to change that frame of mind. I have a natural instinct to be determined and peservere. I have to remind myself I'm not twenty something too. Until next time. ~B

Ouch my back!!!

 Holy mulligans!!! My back has gone out. Literally has taken a poop. I haven't been able to get out of this bed! I can hardly stand up. Not good. This is second day now. It is no fun lying around with your back all whacked out. I really don't have much to write about today other than I hurt. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hope everyone else is doing alright. Until then.....~B

Disability Awareness Month

 Good things happening in Texas. U.S. Department of Labor... https://www.dol.gov/agencies/odep/initiatives/ndeam

Check out their poster too.

https://gov.texas.gov/uploads/images/organization/disabilities/2021-DEAM-Poster.png

Send them a message and they will send one to you while supplies last.

Lol....New hair doooo!!!!

 What a day this was. My hair has been brown and I decided to change it to a bit of blonde. Think I'm going go all blonde next time. 

Anyhow, it's been awhile since I have posted. Haven't been in the writing mood lately. Guess that's called writers block. 

I have though been exercising. Not really loosing weight but more gaining strength in my legs again. I purchased a elliptical trainer. I love it. So far I can only do about thirty minutes at a time. It just burns so much...lol. Sad but true. The year I spent living in the trailer really did me an unjustice. We didn't have much room so I didn't get much-needed movement at all from day to day. 

Well, I was going to show you a picture but for some reason  the system isn't letting me. I'm getting a lot if opposition lately and I'm not sure why. Maybe they don't like my blog or maybe it's me they gave a problem with. Not sure really. I'm just a girl who has issues just like everyone else but mine are a just a bit different and I write about them in this blog. 

My diagnosis shouldn't have a influence on how I'm treated but for some reason it does. It's a shame rreally. I don't like to be negative its just quite frustrating. I do though have to say there is much good out there other than bad.

Anyways, my boyfriend has been working so hard on our well. Getting water to this house has been a real trick I'll tell you what. Everyday he's out there in our hot weather or 100-104 degrees lately either fixing the pump, pumping water or having to go fetch a tote or two of water for the day. He did find and ordered a new pump from Amazon that seems to be doing the trick. Just now he has to get it to properly work on a 24 volt system with the solar batteries too. So you can see this us not an easy project. Some of the people here didn't even think he could get this far because they all thought the well had collapsed because it hasn't been used in over 20 years. What a star he is! 

I do have some sad news. One of our chickens were killed by a farrow  cat here. The dam cat pulled the chicken by it head and wing right through the chicken wire fence. Jeff went to check on them because Falco the cock was acting strange. Low and behold that was why. 

We really need to trap these darn farrow cats and take them to the animal shelter. They are nothing but trouble and who knows how many diseases they may have. They are always trying to get in our trash whenever they can get to it not to mention trying to kill our chickens. I have to make sure my cat doesn't get outside because of them too. 

I have been doing alright. Still taking my meds and staying calm and collective when the "voices" start to get on my nerves or try to upset me. 

I'm keeping up on my household chores and doing my make-up here from day to day. It's fun but sometimes a chore too. LoL. But it does help in the sexyness area of my life. That's always important when trying to maintain a healthy relationship.  It's a challenge especially when I'm not feeling as  well as I would like. 

My boyfriend and I have now been together  six years in October. I have not had a relationship longer than three years before. So this is quite the feat. We do want to get married but I'm sure that will come in time. Having schizophrenia is not easy especially on a relationship in all faucets. Relationships take work and compromise to begin with but when you have another "extra terristerial"  element added to it, it can complicate things. We work at it but it does take its toll sometimes on me personally and then that usually trickles down towards him of course. 

I have to take special care of myself in order to get through my day and to be good in all areas of where my heart lies. 

I am taking more vitamins than usual lately. I'm now taking Life Etension's Estrogen, Sex Enhancing,  Menopause 711, Primrose Oil, Breast health, N- Acetyl- L-Cysteine for my lungs and breathing since I have asthma and AMPK Metabolic Activator vitamins in addition to my Omega-3, B-Complex and my Two a day multi-vitamin. I am 48 and I stopped having my menstrual cycle at 41. 

They are treating me well and I think have enhanced my daily routine. I still continue my shakes of peptides, protein and greens on a daily basis when I can. It can get expensive so when I run out I sometimes have to wait before recording.

Other than that I'm still playing  Redecor, Design Star and Design Home. I just love these three games. 

That's all for now. Hope to write again tomorrow but for now I have to get ready for my boyfriend's family visit.

Take care and be kind to one another.

~B 

Up with the Rising Sun

Just the other day I had quite the surprise. My boyfriend brought over three chickens and a rooster home. I knew he had been thinking about but it wasn't for sure at that time. Our landlord is selling his other property so now we get to be chicken sitters. Lucky for us they and paying fir all the feed and they already have a coop. It's so funny to hear a rooster in our backyard. It's quite the scene. It gets me out of the house and we are going to have fresh eggs now. What a deal. I was afraid at first about the chickens because they poop everywhere but I since they are in their own little area it's all good and plus I guess we can use the droppings as fertilizer. Kinda of gross huh? I thought they only used cow manure but I am wrong. What a treat too I just thought about it, Easter is just around the corner. I just love Easter with the chocolate bunnies and marshmallow peeps. I can't eat to many of the peeps but the chocolate is right up my ally. I was thinking now that we are going to have these eggs I should learn how to pickle them. I have never tried a pickled egg before but my boyfriend just loves them. I know they have to he hood for you and they will last forever. I could possibly pickle some veggies at the same time. Here is a picture of our new aditions.

Anyhow, my days have been pretty slow lately however we do have lots of things going on. Helping friends out moving things around and even setting up a platform so we can bring the hot tub over. See, it gets real hot here during the summer so it will be nice to be able sit in a cool pool during those days coming here soon. It has been warm here so much so we took off the extra blanket on our bed. In the winter it gets very cold here. We have extreme weather differences here during the seasons. I did get to plant some veggies, herbs and strawberries in the garden. That was cool. When we were kids my mother always had a garden and she would let the bunnies run through it. I personally have never until now planted a garden. The closet I got was volunteering for THMA  Growing Grounds. They have quite the set-up. They sell to whole sale to landscapers and also veggies to the public. All you have to do is  call in advance to order them and puck them up. They do have some veggies, herbs and fruit trees available in the Growing Grounds Downtown store to take home right there and then. The only thing is you never know what variety they will have. There is also a Santa Maria location located off of Foster Road. On the website they have listed all the veggies, herbs and fruit trees they carry. The tomatoes are just divine and they have a whole bunch of different kinds. See a couple of years ago when I was working there I purchased some tomatoes and my boyfriend grew them for us. Oh yeah, they are always looking for volunteers. Quite a few Cal Poly students come. 

I'm glad to be involved with this garden. I do miss the Growing Grounds nursery and farm. It's amazing the transformation you feel when your there. I went three times a week for three hours at a time. I learned new things and meet some people. We did exercises and stretching before and after work too all in our circle together.  I got to water, which doesn't seem like a lot and no big deal but it so was. I planted a bunch a new baby plants into bigger pots, pulled weeds and even learned hoe to dead head a plant. I even got to pull orders for the customers and clean the plants from dead leaves before they were sold. It was quite interesting how they set the place up. Each section of different plants of different stages where in separate locations throughout the property.  Each section was called a planets name like Saturn, Jupiter, Mars etc. They are on I can't remember how many acres but I did get exercise walking up and down the hill with plants and wheel barrel or flat bed on wheels. Moving them was quite the feet to as some weighed I would say wet soil, plant and bucket...about 30-40 pounds for the bigger ones. I was very happy to go there and participate. That made it a bit easier to find the correct plant and variety. When I was working there it was during Covid-19 and we were lucky to be able to stay open. If not all those wonderful plants which filter our air and water would have died. We had to be very careful and stay 10 feet away from eachother, wash our hands frequently and where a mask. I must have made an impression on them because no longer after two months or so I was ask to work at the Growing Grounds Downtown store. There I was what Sherry called a gatekeeper. LOL. It is a great store and I highly recommend it to anyone visiting or lives in San Luis Obispo Downtown. There is a parking structure right around the corner across the street which I think charges only a few dollars. It's worth it if your going to be shopping and out and about for awhile and not worry about the meter. 

Alright enough about Growing Grounds I think I just about covered all of that.

Today, this morning I woke up to be happily intimate with my partner which has been kinda rocky lately. It's very trying and difficult for a better lack of words. Auditory hallucinations which I call commotion can be very daunting as it wears on me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have my better days and not so much times but isn't that with anyone just on a different scale. I got a cup of coffee which I personally have to be cautious of. It is a stimulant and does make me quite jittery and give me an upset nauseous stomach. I have to admit I played Redecor, Home and Design Star. Those games don't last very long as I have developed my skills and can put together a room quite nicely in a short amount of time. I just wish I could do that for a living. Like my aunt's job is putting tiles together and coordinating them all day. What a gig! After playing those I have gotten back to reading my affirmations. They do make me smile. Then decided to write. I'm done writing for now as I wrote a bit of a short story. My day today should bring about good feelings, proactive caring of self and be cintructively productive on how I carry on my day.  I say it luke that as I'm getting in a postive mode. Wishing you all just same and if your day just isn't what it should be it's OK, tomorrow is a new day just remember to try and crack a smile even if you have to draw it on your face... LoL....just kidding but yeah smiles are contagIous and bring about great embrace. 

 

Announcement: A brilliant idea!

Formally: Schizophrenia Life Today

Hi everyone,

I have changed my blog name and I hope everyone will be able to find me. If you have Feedly  you can add me to your feed...I did to myself...lol. Had to see if I could find myself and if it worked. Never used it before. I changed the name for several reasons. One, when I was reading about Schizophrenia they said in order for the  healing process to work it was for us to realize we are not our disorder. Now that is hard to swallow because of so much has taken from me and changed me 360. From my personality, financially, academically, motor skills, physically and my mind is a whole another story. It has impacted me socially and even the way I interact with my family. I thought at that time and moments everday, I am Schizophrenia. What else do I have to relate to? It defines finds 1% of the people. How lucky am I? I would of rather won the lottery or been drafted to the military. At least they get paid and school is then taken care of. No I get broke, sick and live on a shoe string budget. Plus have to take medication that has wild and severe side effects. Not to mention make you gain weight and you all know how I handle that. It has been extreme life change. Not so easy to adapt to. Then try to be loving and have an intimate relationship. 

I have had this blog now for three years. I started it because I needed an outlet. A place to where I could talk about what I'm going through to recycle the pain and confusion and horror I face. I say horror because auditory hallucinations is beyond the unknown to man. I have in my opinion come a long ways. I have reared myself to get the help I needed and my financial state stabilized as well as it could be. I have my difficult days and sometimes they can last months but I pull myself out of it and keep on treading with a positive mindset to carry on another day. I really have to point these things out to myself because if I don't my mind would eat me alive. I'm thankful to have an understanding boyfriend        (fiance) who actively takes the steps with me to stay in the here and now and to avoid anything that may confuse me or lead me to believe otherwise but the truth as it happens as fact. 

So, with that said I believe I have taken the bull by the horns and with all my might have and am on the road of healing many aspects if what incompases me. There will never be a finish line just such as life well until you die. I just have that much more I have to sort through. I have been having to learn how to learn and apply in a whole different aspect. It's been like a cheeky monkey as they would say in England. 

I am proud of myself today for all that is behind me. I have so much more to offer than just being Schizophrenic to myself and the world. Three years ago I didn't think so nor could I even comprehend that. 

To say that I'm a Self-motivated healer to myself and even just reading keeps my mind going towards a better tomorrow or even the next hour.

I hope that with this new change of name it keeps me motivated to do more of what keeps my life happy, healthy and clear. 

Today has been a sleepy day. I'm exhausted as the commotion, ie: the voices. Screaming at me for one reason or another and I blame the war. It's so negative and cruel behavior sends out such bad energy. Part is my fault for following it but how can I not when there are innocent children and women that are taking the blunt of the rage. I know was isn't nice and it is not bias to it's victims but this time it seems to not matter  about the rules of engagement. I thought there was something like that in place. At least there used to be a manner that was followed. I have never been in the military nor am I a history buff but I have seen flicks. (movies) To me it seems there is a lack or just meer disregard. Who am I to say though? I have heard on social media that even civilians, are getting involved. One in particular billionaire. Never have I heard such a thing nor would it even me motioned for anything. What kind of war is this? No statue or model to follow or even display? All this kind of stuff is so trident to our minds. Then you get worried about how this is going to effect everything else. Its bad enough people are just getting over being sick or mourning their loved ones. Our economy really isn't great. They are kicking a horse while it's down no holds bar. I know life isn't fair but this is extreme and doesn't seem like it wouldn't set well with the church. Everyone has some divine force that they go by. I just wander what damage this will do all the way around. It's influenced is so strong as it would be. Suffering does not just glide off ones back like  water does a duck. So there you have it. I spilled my guts but I got it off my chest. I need to do that you know  everyone does. It was way to much turmoil inside to hold such indecent nature. 

UN Audiovisual Library: UN / UKRAINE RUSSIA BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS

UN Audiovisual Library: UN / UKRAINE RUSSIA BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS

UKRAINE VOLUNTEER HEALTH WORKERS

UN Audiovisual Library: WHO / UKRAINE VOLUNTEER HEALTH WORKERS

Audry Hepburn

UN Audiovisual Library: UNICEF's Birthday in Nicaragua

Presidential News Update on Mental Health.

"The American Psychological Association is fully committed to working with the Biden administration to bring this ambitious plan to fruition as we are convinced it will help us end our nation’s mental health crisis.”

That sounds great to me. Here is the full story. Just click the link.

 

American Psychological Association. (2022, March 2). APA praises Biden plan to address nation’s mental health crisis [Press release]. Link

Theory and medical reasoning of what may have contributed to Schizophrenia

Found this article. I suffered from bulimia and anorexia for eleven years. Sometimes when I would vomit I would seen stars. That obviously meant that I had a lack of oxygen. It was bad at sometimes not hardly eating anything and feel that I was fat and throw that up too. Sometimes I probably did it about ten times a day. I once almost passed out in the shower and my limbs were tingling. I went to the urgent care and they hooked me up to a ekg. In was then told that I was low in potassium. They are saying in this article that it is tied to eating disorders and Glutamate. I used to take a lot of glutamine. Now I don't know and understand it kind of makes me feel awful that I did suffer and put myself through that for the many years that I did. If it had something to do with me getting this, here see me as an example of why you should never start vomiting or starving yourself. Seek counseling and get on a regular exercise program along with a nutrition diet. Diet is not what you do for week, month or even a year. It is a lifestyle. Believe me once you start eating clean and healthy your body won't even crave anything else or even seem pleasant. It will actually reject it.

Looking in hine sight I wish I knew then what I know now. I would rather bee that anal with keeping to my plan then keeping and making myself sick. It takes a lot of energy, sneaking around, lying to yourself and everyone else not to mention what it physically does to your body and mind. It also works on your psyche yourself worth and esteem.  It even makes you on a sense hullicinate. In a sense because you always see your body as fat. Doesn't matter how skinny you are or even bony for that matter you see yourself differently than what is real. I could give some words of wisdom that would be to never start off something bad when you want a good outcome. Below is the article if anyone is interested in reading it. It is an abstract so there is a lot of medical jargon, terminolgy and theory that may be difficult to understand. Yet if you read it you can get some what there saying and getting at. Until next time be kind to yourself.

Twenty-five Years of Glutamate in Schizophrenia: Are We There Yet?: Abstract. At present, all medications for schizophrenia function primarily by blocking dopamine D2 receptors. Over 50 years ago, the first observations were mad.

Self Portrait

 Tonight I was playing with Picsart and I made this. I just used their drawing room then I added a photograph of myself. All it took after that was to add some fx special effects. So thats it. Kinda cool. This picture almost makes me want to cry though because it's how I feel too.

Picsart Competition

This is the original painting I used to create the remix. It was a lot of fun and I got to see the different ways my picture would change with the different filters and Fx. There were a lot of ladies who submitted and we were able to give three each so I don't really think my chances are that great to win. It did though take me out of my comfort zone and forced me to have enough guts and confidence in myself not to self sabatoge. Well here's to putting myself out on a limb. Which had been dificult lately because my art has been taken advantage of and there are people and businesses that are not really be all that honest and up front. I thought differently before but there are things coming to light that just are palatble. Anywho, I still love to create and the show must go on so have a great day and I get back later.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/itl64t2xmyz7lrk/Picart%20Presentation.pptx?dl=0

Feeling a little down?

How are you?

First seek to Understand than Seek to be Understood..

I was thinking about this all day. I posted it this morning after coffee. I myself do agree that in order to understand you have to be understood at least by yourself. You have to be able to communicate in a manner that is universal. Sometimes I dont quite understand myself and the crazy outlandish things I do and I do get misunderstood by people and sometimes family members. What I understood about all of this is that its alright not to understand because if I understood it in the first place we wouldn't be having this conversation. I think I can go on an on about this. Its just one of those things and phrases that keeps you in that marry go round. What came first... The chicken or the egg? LoL.

Anyhow, here is a updated picture of my paint by numbet project I just recently started. It's been about three or four days now but I"m coming along nicely. 

We are going to have to reframe it as it is a little crooked. Boyfriend is so sweet and made one for me. 

Understanding, is it comapassion and empathy with a way to relate?

Here I go again. I hope you all understand and Im sure you do. We all seek to be understood as to fit in and prosper in todays world. Let our understanding be what guides us to be understood. With that thanks for letting me share. Till next time ♡

Surprised with this win.

 

My hand at Paint by Number

This is my girafee that I just finished painting. It is a paint by number. It took me about a week. I didn't use very much water at all so the paint came out very vibrant. I just mostly used paint thinner because I thought they were oils until later I read the directions and it said to use water. That pretty much means that the paints were acrylics. I'm pretty proud of myself for finishing. I did go through some lack of patience and fustrations at times. All in all I did finish it and now I just need to get it streched and put on a frame. 

I have started a new one. It's cute with flowers and a bird.

Here's a sneak peak.

That's not the whole paiting but most of it. It's kinda cool as you grt thesr paints with numbers on them.

These are the paints. All I have to do is use them to the corresponding numbers on the canvas withought covering up the little tiny numbers. It is a task I tell you what, this has bee a  learning curve at least for me.

So, other than that my day is going swell. Going to start back on my painting now. Probably will write later on this evening. 

Pretty in Pink ( Home Design) Click to view more.

First of many more to come. (Home Design) Click to view more.

These are some of the rooms I have done for Home Design. Some of them have a higher score than others. Sometimes my budget didn't allow for me to get all the cool items.

Hope you enjoy them.

I will post more again. These games have really jump started my creativity, focus and concentration skills. They also though keep me from writing, so I have decided to share them with you so we can go on this journey together. I will post more of these rooms as we go along. I have to catch up as there are many more to post. I'll try and give you the back story on what I was thinking about putting the room together. Sorry in advance that I dont know what the designer names are for the furniture. So far I have done pretty good though not knowing all that stuff. I'm not rich and fancy so these items are not what I see throughout my days. I'm doing my best though trying to provide a room that is suitable. You will be able to tell the difference in my rooms which ones are better than others. Why I got a higher score than another. I really don't know what they scale their scoring on. We do get to vote on one another so that's anothet element of the game. Which, that is what it is but I think some of these designers are really just that in their professional lives. Anyways hope you enjoy my work.

My First place videos on Redecor!

 

These are some of My latest first place winners.

Just was thinking, So I'm writing.

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I have written again. I'm so terrible. So terrible that I haven't even stuck to a diet, nor have I been exercising. More like feeding my face and twiddling my thumbs. What's worse I'm sitting here telling you all this and I'm eating chocolates...LOL. 

Hope you like my picture I made it with Affinity. Thought I would put it in here instead of none at all. 

The days have been long, but the time does fly by a bit when I'm playing my interior design games, Boy am I stuck on those. Never in my right mind would I think that I would be playing them so religiously like I do. I have been posting them to my Tumblr. I guess now Tumblr is doing a thing where you can get tipped. I wish I could come up with a good idea for that. I have been a little depressed because I can't really think of anything that I'm really all that great at. Not to mention, I would like to sell something online but not too sure about what. I do have a Deviant Art account and I would love to be able to sell some of my art but in all honesty it's not all that great and nothing compared to everything else you can get there. My self-esteem has been kind of in the dumps.

We do have good news here on the home front. My boyfriend has figured out how to get the water to get pumped from the well to the house. What a relief that is as now he doesn't have to go to our friend's house to fill up the container full of water. The landlord is happy of all happy because now it has just raised his property value and it didn't cost him near what it could have. It's very interesting how he figured out how to do it. It was all mostly physics. I certainly don't understand most of it, but it makes sense to me a little when he explains it. 

Good news is the voices have been relatively low these days. It's nice when they are as it can be very dauting when they just go off all day long. My medication is working about the way it should except I have been getting dizzy quite a bit. Not so good. I did buy some more supplements and vitamins that I hope will help. I'm going to try a new multi vitamin and boost up my magnesium and vitamin B complex. I'm still drinking my shakes which I totally enjoy. That is how I make sure I get the proper amount if super foods, peptides and protein. I also did get another supplement to help with cognitive and brain function plus something to help with my progesterone levels. I was reading that if they are low, it can cause depression and also sleep issues. I do have sleep issues so I'm hoping that these vitamins will help supplement with that. I have been pre-menopausal sense I was 41. Some of that has caused a lot of other issues with me that I'm hoping I can help Aliev with my new regime. I do have to remember to take plenty of water which I forget to do. I get caught up and before you know it the day is over, and I have had little to none but coffee and my shakes. 

I have been staying to myself a lot lately which for me is good as I need that alone time to settle within myself. It gets very difficult to pay the proper attention to people and hold conversations when I'm not as centered as I should be to handle to common disturbance that they cause. Sometimes I feel like I'm all consuming, but it is kind of necessary for me to maintain my disposition and clarity. 

On another note, my cat is getting so BIG! He is so attached to me it's funny. He follows me all around the house and has to be sitting with me when I'm doing my thing. I did pick up painting in hopes to uplift my mood and concentration. It's paint by number which I have never done before. My aunt used to do them when I was a kid all the time. They do them on canvas now without the frame. It is a long process as there are so many little numbers. They give you very little paint which at first, I didn't think was going to be enough, but it was. I bought two of them and the other I think I will send to my niece as she loves to pain too. My hope is that I will be able to finish it and not give up. That is a big thing with me. I try to make sure I finish the projects I set out to do. Sometimes it takes me longer than others but for the most part I do succeed. My boyfriend wants to frame it when I'm done but we will see how it all turns out. 

Did you notice I have a new Logo? I made one before this one with a program called Affinity. It turned out all right, but I thought I would do another so that I can order some promotional items and even a t-shirt for my blog. Wouldn't that be cool? I'm the one that stands in between me being lost and confused within voices and delusions that are not so easy all the time to tell between reality and what is not. Holding true to who Iam, keeping up with my nutrition and medication and my truth helps me to differentiate and keep my sanity. That's what my logo is all about. 

Oh, I did find a group call the HVN Network, which is the Hearing Voices Network. We meet via Zoom and discuss all sorts of things. It's nice that I was able to find them. I can't really remember how I came across them as I do a lot of research. If you or anyone else is interested, please feel free to email me. 

A little funny from me.

Here's a video I made just having fun. Editing is a whole lot harder than it looks but kinda fun. I'm going to try and make some more. They were fun and it brings a little bit more entertainment. I should have made this longer...oh well, next time!

 

The ABCs of Schedule A (Work Opportunities for the Disabled)

The ABCs of Schedule A: The ABCs of Schedule A

Affirmations

I just subscribed to an affirmation app. Of course I'm doing the first three day trial. Sometimes I think I will like the app and then I fall short using it. I'm not as dedicated to things like that but I know it's good for me so I should make time in my schedule for it. Not like my life is all that busy anyways. 

Anyhow this app just said one that is for self care. I had never heard that term quite put like that before nor self love. I read it on Linkedin in one of the stories and they used that as a tag. So now I know but I still have a hard grasping the whole idea on how to get there and what things I should be doing. Not to mention ideas on how to procede further. This app I clicked self care and it said one that really got me. 

Make the rest of your life the best of your life. 

The reason for this is now I struggle more so than I ever have before. It's more diffucult for me to learn new things and retain information. I move a lot slower than I ever have and I have always worked my whole life and now I'm on disability. How do I sincerely start to consider the rest of my life the best? Should I just consider each day and an improvement from the next and know that I'm moving forward everyday? Is that making it the best? That's the hard part to because I'm so much further back then I was before this all happened. Maybe I should give myself a break and know that if I do my best everyday that I'm making the rest of it the best. That's probably the way I should see it. I do like that affirmation and it will remind me to think positive not just day to day but long term as well. 

One thing is for sure I need to take the time to let this sink in everyday before I move on to the next. I have a issue with paying attention to things like this. Probably because my whole life I had been so independent. I lived by myself, bought my own car, house, was working and taking care of my daughter. Today is so much different. I don't work, sold my house, and now live with my boyfriend. God bless his heart he's not a bad thing but I do depend on him more than I would like to. I don't want to be codependent. I really don't have much of a choice though in the matter but I woukd like to be more happy with myself and my life progression. You know what I mean? 

Well, I thought I would share that information with you. Oh yeah, I did buy a book about living younger as we get older. I'm going to have to add that to my schedule to. Read some of it and then I think I will write about it. Make it a combination. Read the affirmations and then read on how to stay younger. That sound  good to me. I just wander what you all do for self care and love. I hope I'm on the right track. 

Everday, One at a time.

Its been a whirlwind. Now that the holidays are over I can focus on writing more. One thing I do have to say is my Baker's cyst went away for good. I'm so happy I was afraid it would never go away. 

I have been trying to get myself motivated to start exercising again. I do a few push ups and stomach crunchies every so often but I have been lagging on a full fledge workout on a continues basis. Its really cold here where I live right now in the mornings and at night. I just want to stay all bundled up and eat. LoL. I do gain a few pounds during the winter but my shake regime and working out, I should be doing all right. 

Definitely not where I used to be because we don't have a gym near by. Stay focused and disciplined enough to get yourself through the day and continue it on like a new lifestyle. Thats the way I do it. I won't buy food that I may be tempted to eat and I know is bad for me. Even though I do give myself a cheat day. I will only buy food for cheat day on that day. Cheat days are very important. They help replenish you and spur your body into letting go of the bad fat and taking in the good.

 We have to fool our bodies a bit when it comes to dieting. When we have cheat day we throw the body off by eating bad foods because you have been holding that back for so long while dieting. So your body has a field day and has no problem shedding that extra bad fat off.  It sounds funny but it works. You will feel skinnier sometimes after a cheat day. 

Cheat days are only once a week and you will find after a while you tend to forget about them. 

Water tastes different, the body reacts differently, and you start to form muscle which then burns that fat at a higher metabolic level.

Thats my spill on working out and dieting. I'm no doctor or specialist so all I can say is I know from personal experience and training. 

Another thing, its so boring here! I cannot express that enough. 

I know have an addiction to interior decorating apps! I have spent more money on those apps then I ever thought I would even be on the phone for that long. It has been a small fortune and don't realize it until the good ol' Bank Statement! 

If you haven't played the games then I say buyer beware! They have helped me though. My focus and "the voices" are a bit more in control when my energy is so focused on something else. It has also pumped up my creative juices. That's probably why I'm here writing this. Just got to pull myself away and unplug from it more often. The picture above is one of my designs I did on Home Design. The others are Design Star and Redecor. They are all fun and consuming. 

My medication is another thing. I have to take so much. Its awful to my hair and skin not to mention my weight and energy levels. 

We at the South County San Luis Obispo are still waiting for our new provider. I guess we are changing doctors. Who know well find out when they call to reschedule our appointments for December. I'm actually thinking about going to the shot. I have eight bottles of pills at one time to sort throughout the day to take. 

Oh, I did get trainers (which we call tenni shoes) to walk in and possibly run so I've got to get going on that. I have to physch myself out so I will do this. I will have t take some progress pictures and share my shake and meal ideas. Eating clean is not difficult if you prepare and stick to the game plan. Oh yeah last but not least Happy New Years.