Where ever do I start? So much has happened.
To start we did move and I can't believe it actually snowed here the day before yesterday.
Beautiful!
That is across the street of our new place in New Cuyama. Yes it Snowed!!! Much better than before as my fiance does not have to fetch water nor does he have to fix the pump to the well it seemed like daily. The water still is coming from a well but this one was already set up. This place we are living in now was a Marijuana farm at one point but the owners decided it wasn't working out for them so they rented us the house. More money but when you only have to pay $500/month for a two bedroom house, anything will seem pricier. The move wasn't so bad as the house we are in now is just only about a few minutes drive. We started early though which helped that they told us when it had been sold. So we had just the time before they closed escrow to go.
Bad news though. The chickens died. It was too hot while we were moving and my fiance got to the house and they were all gone. He called me in shock. I too was in disbelief and sadeded. I had gotten use to them especially Falcor the cock and him the the morning. Cock a doddle do...lol.
Me right now, well I'm better. I have a mental health appointment tomorrow. Also, got put on the list for counseling. They still haven't called me but this is what happened last time. Guess I have to keep on bugging them. Sqeeky wheel gets the grease right? It's time I start talking to someone else and they get paid to hear me spill my guts. It's difficult because I think it's so unbelievable that I sound really whacked. But I can't make this stuff up. It really happens and I really did go through what I did before this all came to be. I have stayed silent about a lot of things but the more I stuff the worse it seems to get when it all pours out sometimes to my fiance and or when I'm alone. I like to enjoy my day not just try to get through it. Ya know?
I still take medication. Still on Wellbutrin, Miritzapine, Abilify and Zyprexa. They don't make the noise or commotion (voices) go away but it does muffle them.
The hardest part lately is my body image and self esteem. They are so cruel and inconsiderate. Down right shifty. I'm going to say it to; they really bog down my sex life and intimacy. They always have to put their two cents on what I should be doing with my partner and telling me that I just don't do it for him anymore and I need breast implants. I never thought about getting those until they started in on me about them. Now I find myself looking in the mirror and critiquing my figure. Sucks! It is not an easy task to ignore them and stay in the mood if you know what I mean. We have to stop and then eel like I'm taking away from him because I can't get over what they are saying and how it effects me. It's not always like that but it had been an issue for a little while lately. I did though have a nice Vaeltines Day in and had a home cooked meal with everyone here. My fiance can do a great BBQ.
The only thing still is that the medication causes such bad constipation and none of the prescribed laxatives work! Sometimes it can be a month or so. I have to stop taking the pills and about a week into it I will have a bowel movement. So not only am I bloated like I'm three months pregnant but going through withdrawals of the medication.i have found some remedy through the different foods to eat and in different clombinations. Seriously it's like a science/math formula.
Still on my vitamins and peptides. I have to say I have been working out and my kegs are getting stronger and my but firmer. I have strated with Casein now at night time as it is a slow burning protein and helps keep your body from going into starvation mode in my sleep. Don't want my body to eat all that new muscle tone I work so hard for, do I? Nope! I have an area to workout in and stretch on my yoga mat so All I do is turn on the tunes and I'm at it. I also have to admit I will get on the floor in my bedroom in the morning or when no one is looking and do situps, push-ups and or squats throughout the day. Kinda weird I know but that's my compulsiveness coming out.
I changed my hair to brown as you saw in the picture up top. Kinda wish I didn't now but too late. I haven't been liking my pictures lately as the all make me look mad or mean I think. Don't know right now how to change that. I do wear my heart on my sleeve so that could be it. I have been bummed out as I just can't seem to do anything right or live up to their standards not to mention pay the price for anything and everything I have done wrong my whole life. 🙃
Here's another of the snow. Nice huh?
I did get to see my dogs and we took them on a walk at Alisjo Park which is right down the street. It has a long little drive to the park but it was just gorgeous after the rain. My dogs names are Gucci and Chanel. They stay with my mom and watch ove little Barrigan. He's her 4lb little poodle. Gucci is a Malti-poo and Chanel a Shitzu-Maltese.
They are best buddies and take care of one another. I got them about a year and a half apart. Gucci is older and more needy but Chanel is my carefree little trouble.
I wanted so badly to stop and pet them.
It was such a nice day and it was nice to get out of the house.
Well, I have been talking for awhile now and I'm going to leave you with that. I thank you for listening and wish you a great day packed with joy and laughter.
Take Care until later ~B
