My disability finally came through and at the same time a few weeks later my unemployment came in, You see I worked a lot of the time that I was waiting for my disability. I waited a long time for my unemployment and thought for sure they forgot about me and if I was ever going to get to talk to someone. You all know how that was. A bit scary as we had to move to Cuyama after my land lord gave us notice right before Christmas and my boyfriend don’t make very much money. It’s was a good thing I still had some monies from my house being sold. We were lucky that a girl he knows knew of a place we could go. One problem though. He had to level out the house first. Talk about a job. Do just so we had a roof over our heads we asked the landlord if we could stay there while he leveled it out. Luckily he said ok.
My boyfriend had to go under this house and put wood and cinder blocks to get it to sit level so that the house wasn’t tilting or crash in. Standing in and walking in a unleveled house can make you dizzy. It messes with your equilibrium. We also painted and he put a sink in the bathroom plus flooring. That was alright though yet a lot of work.
I have never thought I would live off a highway. I would drive down highways and wonder about people that did and now, it’s me who people probably wander about. The rent is good but not we don’t have water. He has to go get water just about everyday for showers and flushing the toilet and washing dishes. You know like running water. We’ll have to do that until the landlord gets a hold drilled down. It’s a cute little house though and we are comfortable.
I have been filling my days with coloring in my books.I did a little Disney and now some anime. I’m using coloring pencils and gel pens, I was using markers but they left a yellow stain on my pictures. Really weird and I’m kinda bummed out about it, I really liked those.
Mental health appointments are steady every month. Switched my meds again but that is the norm. They sure don’t help sooner things but I’ll tell you that I don’t cry as much. My sex life has slowed down. It’s hard to have an orgasum. Kinda sucks, Get too that point t just can’t reach it, most of the meds B are like that though. My weight has stayed better. I don’t feel like I have fluid under my skin like inflammation, I do get dizzy if I’m not careful getting up to soon. My auditory hallucinations are still there morning and night. Sometimes they are quite and I get moments of silence, I have watched some things on You Tube and they said sometimes they just don’t go all the way away. So I have just resigned myself to them.
I do get down and out plus my self esteem takes a dump because they just aren’t very nice sometimes. They work on your weaknesses and insecurities. It’s like having your own personal bully in your head. Sometimes I just wonder how I’m going to be able to take life like this if it happens for my whole life. If this is what my life is going to be like, that really sucks! I think it’s going to lessen my life span from all the agony and stress. I try to remain positive though and optimistic about the quality of my life.
I have joint Blue Fever and Trill. I like them for a free reasons but mainly to feel better. Kinda another sense of well-being and therapy, I also been having fun on Snap Chat! I’m just addicted to taking Selfies with those filters. Cheap thrills are my game what can I say. When you live in the middle of no wear a good time is hard to find. Tumblr and Instagram I used too. I have Pinterest but haven’t spent much time in it lately. I did do some videos and put them on You Tube. Not much but for me it was an accomplishment.All this is. Thank you for being apart of it. Your appreciated!
PS. My hair is growing and the rod went out the window so I dyed it dark brown.I like it, maybe back to blonde in a year, will see.
