May our thoughts be clear, and the heart beat the rhythm of saints marching.

 

Sitting here wondering where have I been? Nothing is for sure and the days and nights seem close together. Flowers on the wall as they were called. Speak from places unknown and seen. The march of the beat,  notes of music, sounds of whispers and incantations. The world of worlds left only in fables and tales of words that only bring meaning when you experience them. Your thoughts exposed and left out to air, pleasant simpletons yet also skeletons, Laughter of pity, sadness is theirs. Desperately yearning for an explanation that won't be sought or told. Though mighty ye stand and talk, chin up, clashes of hunger lashs your boat. Sun be high, horizon steady, winds set sail for new beginnings. Positive thoughts for the ball will may drop. Come in and play for these are the steps of mercy. No guessing or knowing the unknown is faulty. Be careful to lean and adjust is needed. For yes you do feel miles and strain as you have self-worth weighing on how to hold on.  The spirits are woken and shall take flight. Only then will it be told and shown where one has to go. Leaving a trail and mark of passage. Blessings be yours,  hope for forgiveness. One with yourself until the decisions are made. Waiting is now of what is to come, it passes by each day you breathe. Only time will tell the coming and goings of what the outcomes holds and consequences of your behavior. No pain did you cause other than to yourself. thers tormented and slyed your precious soul. O Desperitly seeking those clues and answers that appear to be real. The real seems obvious but in all actuallality its a blur. This is the test of your inner demons bursting with only to play and trick your heart in believeing hes right. You were born in the light of God so you were meant to do and be someone special. It takes the strength you have each and every day to face the challeges that lay before you. Inch by inch you will make it but only if you believe and not fake it. It all or nothing as they say go big or go home. Its that serious if you plan on being part of society. The hyper sensitivity is a gift so hold it close and guard it from evil. Be careful what you feed your mind as your elders were wise to to tell that to you before their time was of passing. Nobody is perfect and you will fall and make mistakes yet that is why your human and put here on this earth. Your job is to overcome with passion and fierce labor so that you may later show guidance to your kin and they will thank you later when they have offspring of their own. Bless you dear child as I know you are grown, tired and weak. Do your best and keep your thoughts postive so you may bring a smile to even a newborn's face. Relish in the laughter of goodwill. Cherish the momments you have and keep safe. If you find yourself down just remeber these words I said. Go now and get some rest , Ill be gone by the time you fall asleep. Dream beyond this world and heavens. Paint yourself a eventful life full of love and compassion. Engage and grow for you are a blessing to yourself and everyone you will come across if you keep your heart clear of temptation and cruelty. I whisper now as I'll leave you be. Count the many stars as your eyes close and your mind drifts. Your body is your temple so stay healthy and noble. Remember to always tell you loved ones you love them.

Salvador Doli, have we met?

     

Image from Bing

                      
 Half of my days lately have had me with my head down just holding my head and SCREAM I can't even explain the commotion and confusion it causes. I take my medication; I eat regularly but I do know I need to get more exercise. Being where I live there is a highway that goes through instead of a regular street in a neighborhood. The temperature is really cold and the wind burns my ears. We don't have a whole lot of room in our place to a whole lot. I do have small weights but that's just for my arms. well, enough complaining about that.

Next up, the internet has been a real subject with me. It has been so touch and go it can be very frustrating to do what I want to accomplish. They all talk about inclusion and personalized this and that but even the job placing companies are getting it wrong. I almost feel as if the are mocking me. I shouldn't feel this way but just like my family is they don't know what to say to me or even how to act so they just stay away for the most part. This Christmas I was shocked that my two sisters gave me a couple of present for me. Not to mention my mom seems to be coming to see me and call more often. 
I do have to tell you it has been very difficult to pay attention not just to what Im doing but anyone no one in partcular. My medication was just raised but like I told the new doctor now, I don't think they are going to go away and I'm going to have tp deal woth this for the rest of my life. That was pretty hard to say as my days are long and I miss it being quiet. You know when you just lye still and close your eyes there is nothing but silence. You are so LUCKY because I never get that. The most I got a taste of was just a couple of times. There was no sound and I was astonished. then just only a few seconds later they were back. A lot of people kina poke fun at this and end even my boyfriend trys to make light of it but I don't think its that funny. Not when your stuck like this and knew another way of life. Not to mention all the pills I have to take and the many times they have either changed it or uped the dosage. He said to me the other day when I said I need to pick up my presciption, "When are you going to be able not to take those. All they do is throw pills and more pills at you. You could pratically start a pharmacy." He just doesn't understand that my condition is real.  It's very depressing so I try to distract myself as much as possible with fun things our notable subjects. 
I hope all of you are enjoying my blog. Maybe sometime you can leave me a message. I don't have any friends of my own and it gets very lonely sometimes. We don't neccesarily have to be friends but it would give me some insight on how Im being received. I do have to mention I did sign up to write for the Medium. When I write my first story I will share it with you all.
According t Google Analytics throughout the year it has made it to 25 different countries. I was very impressed to see that. I know there is a STIGMA to my condition so I do understand you not wating to be affiliated with me. Nami right now is walking in different counties. The closet to mine which is Santa Barbara is Ventura. They ask people to make a pleadge to fight STIGMA. You can find them on the internet at www.NamiVentura.com for more resources or www.Namiwalks.com for the updated event. I really wish they had one here and I thought it would be a good idea if we had one in San Luis Obispo County. It would be great as they have a lot of streets that dont get a whole lot of traffic and could possibly shut down just for that event. If you decide to go please email me and send a pic. That would be the best present ever! Just kidding but it would definetly make my day and then I WOULD SMILE. Thats saying alot because when you smile you heal yourself and it changes your physiolgy for the good. I try to smile every day even if I'm feeling down. Well I will leave you with that and everyone have a cheerful day and make someone smile.