Hi everyone,
I have changed my blog name and I hope everyone will be able to find me. If you have Feedly you can add me to your feed...I did to myself...lol. Had to see if I could find myself and if it worked. Never used it before. I changed the name for several reasons. One, when I was reading about Schizophrenia they said in order for the healing process to work it was for us to realize we are not our disorder. Now that is hard to swallow because of so much has taken from me and changed me 360. From my personality, financially, academically, motor skills, physically and my mind is a whole another story. It has impacted me socially and even the way I interact with my family. I thought at that time and moments everday, I am Schizophrenia. What else do I have to relate to? It defines finds 1% of the people. How lucky am I? I would of rather won the lottery or been drafted to the military. At least they get paid and school is then taken care of. No I get broke, sick and live on a shoe string budget. Plus have to take medication that has wild and severe side effects. Not to mention make you gain weight and you all know how I handle that. It has been extreme life change. Not so easy to adapt to. Then try to be loving and have an intimate relationship.
I have had this blog now for three years. I started it because I needed an outlet. A place to where I could talk about what I'm going through to recycle the pain and confusion and horror I face. I say horror because auditory hallucinations is beyond the unknown to man. I have in my opinion come a long ways. I have reared myself to get the help I needed and my financial state stabilized as well as it could be. I have my difficult days and sometimes they can last months but I pull myself out of it and keep on treading with a positive mindset to carry on another day. I really have to point these things out to myself because if I don't my mind would eat me alive. I'm thankful to have an understanding boyfriend (fiance) who actively takes the steps with me to stay in the here and now and to avoid anything that may confuse me or lead me to believe otherwise but the truth as it happens as fact.
So, with that said I believe I have taken the bull by the horns and with all my might have and am on the road of healing many aspects if what incompases me. There will never be a finish line just such as life well until you die. I just have that much more I have to sort through. I have been having to learn how to learn and apply in a whole different aspect. It's been like a cheeky monkey as they would say in England.
I am proud of myself today for all that is behind me. I have so much more to offer than just being Schizophrenic to myself and the world. Three years ago I didn't think so nor could I even comprehend that.
To say that I'm a Self-motivated healer to myself and even just reading keeps my mind going towards a better tomorrow or even the next hour.
I hope that with this new change of name it keeps me motivated to do more of what keeps my life happy, healthy and clear.
Today has been a sleepy day. I'm exhausted as the commotion, ie: the voices. Screaming at me for one reason or another and I blame the war. It's so negative and cruel behavior sends out such bad energy. Part is my fault for following it but how can I not when there are innocent children and women that are taking the blunt of the rage. I know was isn't nice and it is not bias to it's victims but this time it seems to not matter about the rules of engagement. I thought there was something like that in place. At least there used to be a manner that was followed. I have never been in the military nor am I a history buff but I have seen flicks. (movies) To me it seems there is a lack or just meer disregard. Who am I to say though? I have heard on social media that even civilians, are getting involved. One in particular billionaire. Never have I heard such a thing nor would it even me motioned for anything. What kind of war is this? No statue or model to follow or even display? All this kind of stuff is so trident to our minds. Then you get worried about how this is going to effect everything else. Its bad enough people are just getting over being sick or mourning their loved ones. Our economy really isn't great. They are kicking a horse while it's down no holds bar. I know life isn't fair but this is extreme and doesn't seem like it wouldn't set well with the church. Everyone has some divine force that they go by. I just wander what damage this will do all the way around. It's influenced is so strong as it would be. Suffering does not just glide off ones back like water does a duck. So there you have it. I spilled my guts but I got it off my chest. I need to do that you know everyone does. It was way to much turmoil inside to hold such indecent nature.
