Intimacy and being in a relationship has its challenges having schizophrenia. Auditory hallucinations happen for me all day long into the night. Even with medication I still have to cope with them, It does quiet them down but they are still there. This would not just be for my relationship with my boyfriend but even having a conversation in which I wish to pay close attention to with a close friend.
In the bedroom, it's the most difficult. You could laugh and think of many different things but it is quite serious as it can drive a wedge into your relationship. It all goes back to those voices and what they tell you and what is being said while your trying to engage your partner,
I personally have had a bit of trouble with this and get frustrated as well as my partner not really knowing how to react to it or know what to do or say.
Auditory hallucinations are interesting to explain because I'm sure they are different for everyone. I can only explain how they are for me personally. They feed on what I'm feeling thinking and what I'm doing at the moment and from the past as well as they give their two cents on the situation. They can also be random and just chatter too. I ask you to try and imagine engaging your partner in a heated moment of passion or wanting to be passionate when you have so much going on in your mind. It's not an easy task and it shouldn't even be considered a task at that. What do you tell them? I personally have to stop at times and just hold my head and stay quiet. I'm then asked what is wrong. That is not a question that is easy to answer other than saying it's my voices are too loud and are interrupting my follow-through. I take my medication at night and it pretty much puts me to sleep within half an hour to an hour of taking it. That then means I have less time of being awake. Sometimes they are so loud at times I will take my medication early and then my partner is disappointed because of the limited amount of time that he has to be with me,
I try so much to ignore them and just concentrate on the moment and the love I have for him. This too is not a subject that I have even discussed with my doctor because basically it's left up to me how to deal with them and set the voices aside. Here we go again though as they are not easy to ignore. Speaking with my friend's I have learned to block them out. Although, they do bother me sometimes because it interferes with my concentration and I feel as if I miss half the story sometimes. I will ask my friend though to repeat themselves without feeling sorry for it. I have explained my disorder to them and so they do know what the issue is with me so that makes it a bit easier not to get down on myself. This brings me to say that communication is key. Being open and honest and fighting the stigma of the disorder is important When communicating with a partner is going to quite different from a friend or anyone else. First and foremost you have to be comfortable and strong within yourself to be able to put yourself out there and explain and hope they understand, if they don't it's not you. It's them who need to try and gain a better understanding. That's easy to say but what if they reject you because of it? I have feared the same. I myself have this to deal with my whole life and only need people who will be patient with me in my life and inner circle. So I am honest with everyone and am not afraid to self identify. It's more important for me to have them know and gain understanding then for me to hide it and live in fear of rejection, communication or just being myself. If you chose them as well as they did you to be with romantically involved with or just a friend it should be a challenge both are willing to work through. Yet how soon do you self identify? Everyone is different and you have to gauge that for yourself. I personally don't come right out and say I'm schizophrenic. I say my name and it's nice to meet you. As conversation takes place and I see whether I want the relationship to move further than eventually, it does come up as a topic. It always will and you can't run from that, We are different and it will come into play because they will notice something different about you and you will want to be able to know them better as well pay more attention to what they are communicating to you. I just don't like it if people think I'm not paying attention to what they are saying or limit the amount of time I spend them. I don't want them to think it's them that I don't want to be around because I haven't explained my disorder and how it is for me. Communication with everyone will be different but is a must. If not the relationships that could have been will no longer be an option.
