Denied Again yet Looking Forward

It has come to now know that social security is denying me again after I appealed for disability. They feel I'm not severe enough not to work but I never said that I was not able and am at this time working, My point was that I'm unable to do the tasks and perform at the level in which I was before. So  I'm still looking for another job. I'm staying with Growing Grounds as I feel that it has enlightened my life in many different aspects. It has provided me a positive place to help develop myself and get back in the swing of things. I don't want to set limitations on myself as I feel that would only hinder my own personal growth. I'm enjoying what I do and I do feel that it is time to add on more responsibility. I have a lot of obligations going on at this time that require a lot of my energy yet I feel that getting another job would help not only financially but for my own  well being and self esteem. I need to be able to take on these tasks with ease and handle life's ups and downs without feeling down and frustrated. I'm very great full for this blog as it helps me to be able to share and communicate my fears, worries and hopes and joys .It has been one of the best healing tools for me.  So if anyone is reading this thank you for your time and alloying me to share, Right now in this time I'm applying for outside jobs rather jobs preferably not behind a desk. It seems to me that the auditory hallucinations are more critical and daunting than when I'm more active working. Which makes since in a way that it doesn't allow to much time to be in my own head sort of speak. Anyhow, wish me luck as I'm embarking on the job hunting task. I just hope with the whole idea now that they ask sometimes to self-identify I don't get passed up for the interview or job. Another thing to look forward to though is Breaking Barriers. I feel that it will help a lot and with job support I should be doing well soon in a position I will flourish and grow with.

Schizophrenic, Who me but how?

Who knows how the world and God works these days. I have been asking myself this very question for almost three years now. They say from what I have been reading it happens to 1 out of every 125 people. Are you kidding me right now, I'm that person. Really?
The next thing you want to do is blame the family. LOL....right isn't that another explanation they give, it's heredity? So I look at the family and my cousin from my mother's side has it. My Uncle from my grandma had it as well. The major traumatic event sent him over the edge. My grandma was only six months pregnant with my mom when he was killed. so we were never prevea to the medical nor the family history.

Trauma, I have had my fair share of trauma with being raped and losing loved ones. Whatever the case may be the end result is now I have obstacles I would have never thought I would be challenged with.  
With that said, I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful fiance who is my best friend and great doctor now. Getting the doctors and the right meds I believe is hard but not as hard as getting diagnosed because we know so little about it. I'm very grateful for my support teams and systems we have in place now along with communication and patience we can work through anything. The big one is the medication. Getting that on point is one of the keys to success to see this through and have a quality of life worth living and celebrating future forward with my loved ones. 

Am I Feeling Competent?

With All this going on I have to remind myself:

If so this is how I back it up to justify it with a list of accomplishments during the ay.

• Personal Hygiene CompletedCooked breakfast and ate
•  Cooked breakfast and ate
• Organized my clothes
• Washed dishes
• Bed made
• Colored
• Wrote on website
• Took Notes on subject stuying
• Organized paperwork and folders
• Ate dinner
• Store for snacks
• Bedtime was before midnight

With that list I can feel pretty good about my day.