Healing Powers

I know what your thinking, where has she been? A lot has transpired but I do have good news.

 My Bakers Cyst went down again and has stayed down. I stayed off it for the most part, I’ve it and just didn’t exercise that much at all for a bit. I also have been taking peptides and collegian plus super food. I drink a shake every morning.  Here’s the recipe:Cup and a half of frozen fruit. Add fresh fruit to it if you have it, Almond milk, fruit juice of your choice and then I used Alchemy Super foods drink, found at Amazon. I also used  Orgain. peptides and  collegian.

I call it my green machine and tastes great. I tell you I feel so much better and so have lost fat not just weight. I think they helped me but I’m sure the other contributing factors had something to do with my healing. I was really scared that that bump was going to stay on my leg forever. It didn’t hurt but I could see it and it’s not that attractive to have. Plus, it kinda bothered me and would put pressure on the back of my leg behind my knee. Not fun. Thankful it’s not inflamed. I’m watching what I eat that I’m not compelled. I have had to watch that monkey that’s on my back. It can rear it’s ugly head at anytime.

My disability finally came through and at the same time a few weeks later my unemployment came in, You see I worked a lot of the time that I was waiting for my disability. I waited a long time for my unemployment and thought for sure they forgot about me and if I was ever going to get to talk to someone. You all know how that was. A bit scary as we had to move to Cuyama after my land lord gave us notice right before Christmas and my boyfriend don’t make very much money. It’s was a good thing I still had some monies from my house being sold. We were lucky that a girl he knows knew of a place we could go. One problem though. He had to level out the house first. Talk about a job. Do just so we had a roof over our heads we asked the landlord if we could stay there while he leveled it out. Luckily he said ok. 

My boyfriend had to go under this house and put wood and cinder blocks to get it to sit level so that the house wasn’t tilting or crash in. Standing in and walking in a unleveled house can make you dizzy. It messes with your equilibrium. We also painted and he put a sink in the bathroom plus flooring. That was alright though yet a lot  of work. 

I have never thought I would live off a highway. I would drive down highways and wonder  about people that did and now, it’s me who people probably wander about. The rent is good but not we don’t have water. He has to go get water just about everyday for showers and flushing the toilet and washing dishes. You know like running water. We’ll have to do that until the landlord gets a hold drilled down. It’s a cute little house though and we are comfortable. 

I have been filling my days with coloring in my books.I did a little Disney and now some anime. I’m using coloring pencils and gel pens, I was using markers but they left a yellow stain on my pictures. Really weird and I’m kinda bummed out about it, I really liked those. 

Mental health appointments are steady every month. Switched my meds again but that is the norm. They sure don’t help sooner things but I’ll tell you that I don’t cry as much. My sex life has slowed down. It’s hard to have an orgasum. Kinda sucks, Get too that point t just can’t reach it, most of the meds B are like that though. My weight has stayed better. I don’t feel like I have fluid under my skin like inflammation, I do get dizzy if I’m not careful getting up to soon. My auditory hallucinations are still there morning and night. Sometimes they are quite and I get moments of silence, I have watched some things on You Tube and they said sometimes they just don’t go all the way away. So I have just resigned myself to them.

I do get down and out plus my self esteem takes a dump because they just aren’t very nice sometimes. They work on your weaknesses and insecurities. It’s like having your own personal bully in your head. Sometimes I just wonder how I’m going to be able to take life like this if it happens for my whole life. If this is what my life is going to be like, that really sucks! I think it’s going to lessen my life span from all the agony and stress. I try to remain positive though and optimistic about the quality of my life. 

I have joint Blue Fever and Trill. I like them for a free reasons but mainly to feel better. Kinda another sense of well-being and therapy, I also been having fun on Snap Chat! I’m just addicted to taking Selfies with those filters. Cheap thrills are my game what can I say. When you live in the middle of no wear a good time is hard to find. Tumblr and Instagram I used too. I have Pinterest but haven’t spent much time in it lately. I did do some videos and put them on You Tube. Not much but for me it was an accomplishment.All this is. Thank you for being apart of it. Your appreciated!

PS. My hair is growing and the rod went out the window so I dyed it dark brown.I like it, maybe back to blonde in a year, will see.

May our thoughts be clear, and the heart beat the rhythm of saints marching.

 

Sitting here wondering where have I been? Nothing is for sure and the days and nights seem close together. Flowers on the wall as they were called. Speak from places unknown and seen. The march of the beat,  notes of music, sounds of whispers and incantations. The world of worlds left only in fables and tales of words that only bring meaning when you experience them. Your thoughts exposed and left out to air, pleasant simpletons yet also skeletons, Laughter of pity, sadness is theirs. Desperately yearning for an explanation that won't be sought or told. Though mighty ye stand and talk, chin up, clashes of hunger lashs your boat. Sun be high, horizon steady, winds set sail for new beginnings. Positive thoughts for the ball will may drop. Come in and play for these are the steps of mercy. No guessing or knowing the unknown is faulty. Be careful to lean and adjust is needed. For yes you do feel miles and strain as you have self-worth weighing on how to hold on.  The spirits are woken and shall take flight. Only then will it be told and shown where one has to go. Leaving a trail and mark of passage. Blessings be yours,  hope for forgiveness. One with yourself until the decisions are made. Waiting is now of what is to come, it passes by each day you breathe. Only time will tell the coming and goings of what the outcomes holds and consequences of your behavior. No pain did you cause other than to yourself. thers tormented and slyed your precious soul. O Desperitly seeking those clues and answers that appear to be real. The real seems obvious but in all actuallality its a blur. This is the test of your inner demons bursting with only to play and trick your heart in believeing hes right. You were born in the light of God so you were meant to do and be someone special. It takes the strength you have each and every day to face the challeges that lay before you. Inch by inch you will make it but only if you believe and not fake it. It all or nothing as they say go big or go home. Its that serious if you plan on being part of society. The hyper sensitivity is a gift so hold it close and guard it from evil. Be careful what you feed your mind as your elders were wise to to tell that to you before their time was of passing. Nobody is perfect and you will fall and make mistakes yet that is why your human and put here on this earth. Your job is to overcome with passion and fierce labor so that you may later show guidance to your kin and they will thank you later when they have offspring of their own. Bless you dear child as I know you are grown, tired and weak. Do your best and keep your thoughts postive so you may bring a smile to even a newborn's face. Relish in the laughter of goodwill. Cherish the momments you have and keep safe. If you find yourself down just remeber these words I said. Go now and get some rest , Ill be gone by the time you fall asleep. Dream beyond this world and heavens. Paint yourself a eventful life full of love and compassion. Engage and grow for you are a blessing to yourself and everyone you will come across if you keep your heart clear of temptation and cruelty. I whisper now as I'll leave you be. Count the many stars as your eyes close and your mind drifts. Your body is your temple so stay healthy and noble. Remember to always tell you loved ones you love them.

A Hero

 

                       It's all in a quil   

                     by the flick of the wrist

                        and ink to paper

                         You're a genius

                      and some say a poet

                     Your Johnny Hancock

                         signed and legal

                          Your legit and 

                     Success becomes you

                        Congratulations 

                            my friend

                                                  

                                       

Walk with Me Jesus by Marie Chapian

This is a book I have been reading daily.

Good stuff.