Let's Get it Right.

I have been doing alright. Waiting now on my disability hearing to take place on my birthday of all days if you can believe that. 

I was just told by my medication manager that there is a test that I can do which they will swab the inside of my mouth and take DNA. This test will be able to tell which types of medications will work for me the best. I wish they had that before now but I get to find all about it more next week. 

I was really proud of myself today. I actually did laundry all by myself at the laundry mat. My boyfriend usually comes with me doing just about everything with me. He such a good guy and very supportive. 

I still continue to have auditory hallucinations, if that is what they want to call it. They say that they probably won't fully go away but can be managed. I do agree as the medication does lower them but not all the time. One thing is that I feel I'm closer to the spiritual side of life. I have even thought maybe I'm a medium yet that seems pretty silly.. I ask myself all the time where these voices and racket is coming  from. They are not always correct about things in my life but they sure do spread light on a lot of different aspects of it.

I'm really trying to be more social and to come out of my room more than not. I do wish I could find a job but it's difficult living in Cuyama. Anyone know of any online jobs available? 

Yeah me! I have now gone a whole day and half without a cigarette. I think I'm gaining a bit of weight but that is to be expected. I'm trying to be aware of my actions and not pick up any other bad habit to replace smoking.

I don't know if anyone is into scrapbooking but I have a ton of paper I could really get rid of. I also have lots of acrylic stamps too. I have collected this stuff for quite sometime and it means something to me. If you are interested in knowing more information please email me or leave a message here.

I'm going to leave here with that for now and I hope to be writing more often. 

Energy at last!

 Hello all, I'm so happy to announce I can actually say I'm on point again. Connectivity issues should be relieved as soon as Viasat shows up to install our WiFi. So excited as I just received the Google Nest and Chrome cast in the mail. Not to mention my Samsung Flex needs attention like STAT! I had to factory data reset the darn thing and thanks to Microsoft, Google and Samsung  have everything backed up. 

Yes that's my crazy boyfriend playing with the packaging from our rugs. He so funny being cute!

We orderdered rugs from DHGate which is a app on Google Play. I have to say for the prices and the crust mer service I rate them two thumbs up! Check them out. Now my stuff and sure a lot of it come from China and Japan but they are on point. Shipping and delivery did not take that long and shipping was FREE! How can you beat that? I highly recommended  them. You also can get wholesale and business prices. 

He just loves crystals!

This one I thought I matched the colors of my bedding to the rug perfectly!

Now for a more diligent exercise and that would be my boyfriend's son's resume. Talk about stretching my minds eye. Dealing with mine is one thing but to be requested to help on theirs is another.

I'm still looking for collaborators and possible anyone who would enjoy or benefit from being an author on my blog. I do have my colorbook printable blog for just showcasing art therapy and sharing plus my Pinterest site too. I have many pins but I don't think many think I'm all that organized. That is the beast of my disorder and all I can say is...."I deal with it and push on", of course to the best of my ability. I personally think and congratulate myself on what I have achieved so far. 

If you or if you know any be who would be interested please email me. Gotta go for now but ta ta for now.

Cheers,

Brandy 

 

  

Connectivity Issues.....argggg!

 I’m having the most difficult time right now with my devices. Ever since they raised my medications I just can’t seem to keep it together. Talk about memory issues. It’s from my passwords to my account names and which one goes to another. Not to mention getting these devices to get on the internet sharing.  I had to factory reset my computer and now it’s a matter of getting it updated again once I can get it on the internet. I guess I may have to do that with my phone too because it’s not sharing it’s hotspot right. 

My brain has been so tired and just not very clear thinking. My stomach has been so upset too. I think these medications may be too strong now. It’s just a mind sweep just to do a simple task it seems. Just like right now, it’s the middle of the afternoon and I’m yawning. What the heck! 

I just don’t know what to think. Listen to me just babble on about poor me.... what nonsense is this?

Trying to think of something to make myself feel better. What I probably need is a Real Job! Good luck with me doing that right now not to mention I’m an hour commute to anywhere where  I’m living now. Being in Cuyama has its benefits of cheap living but a job is an hour away. Driving under these medications is not the safest. I wish I could find an online position. 

Anyhow, not much else going on other than that. I have my next mental health appointment coming up whereas they are going to discuss my blood tests I just had to take. They had thirteen different test requested according to the lab tech and seven viles of 🩸. No kidding. 

Hope all is well with everyone. I’m going to sign off now though as I keep yawning. Maybe if I just rest my dizzy head I might feel better.

 

F=y My M2 / r2

 where is the justice league? - Google Play

This is just a feeling that I have been having about my whole situation presently and for awhile. I don't mean to be a downer or have a bad attitude so I'm just going to shut up now. 

Starting my collection as I feel it will help keep me on track with staying focused not just with reading but to keep a bit to the lighter side of life. I do love my X-men. I don't know if you do, but the only book I have ever read cover to cover is somewhat of a child's book. For some reason I have a thing with real life and reference guides. Not to mention causes and educating myself in terms of applied knowledge. They seem to be the only reading I can endure. I do have a bit of a all over the board reading style and I tend to jump from chapter and paragraph to paragraph when it catches my eye and interest.

But hey, Maybe if all goes well and I can keep my head in the gel I will actually come across a few or one that us worth 💰. Not that that is at all what its about. I just love The Big Bang Theory and think it would be a cool and exciting community to join. Maybe someday I will see you at Comic-Con. 

Oh and about the equation....Just had to use it to see how many people were going to recognize it from the first page of the comic where it was referenced.

Gotcha 😆

Cheers 🙂🐈🚗

Enjoy Coloring and deSignal? I found this cool app.

How To Draw Justice League - Apps on Google Play

despasito piano tilles ☑ - Apps on Google Play

International Help

I was just searching on the net and found this website. If your i need please call. 

https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html 

Arms wide open and always have an ear to bend.

Hi everyone,

As I talked before I have been having trouble getting motivated not mention taking a break from my electronic bliss. I have a thing for beta testing and integration.

It have to tell you had been a lifesaver. I should probably take out at least an hour of the day to be social. I'm just terrible at it.  I always have been looking back, not to mention a home body.Not sure why. Probably because I was busy at home with my siblings and wasn't really allowed to go over someone else house. I did a couple of times babysit but that's different. I feel like I lived a double life. 

Reason I say that is because I was put in charge of my siblings while the parents were away at work. I played little mom/big sister there for awhile.  Then there's high-school where I actually was able to socialize get I didn't much. I was a band nerd. I played violin 🎻 when we had an orchestra event and the trombone in the parades, at half time football and completions. Even spent lunch sometimes in the band room. I did fortunately meet a boy 👦 who was a senior and was on the varsity dive team.. Guess what I did? Joined the team to be around him more. So you see me being this way had not a surprise. After high-school I lived with my grandma 👵 and then my boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I could of been that social butterfly and in the popular crowd. 

To change the subject do you like my star picture? I made it tonight, I like it. I do plan on making more but with different shapes. Who knows might even be able to create an app. I do try, but my formulas are a bit, I don't know how do you say, maybe just different. I have so much respect for people who can code. My mind just doesn't seem to grasp it. 

You know I'm trying to find something that inspires me and I'm good at. Haven't yet still. I really don't know what the future holds for me but I can say this is the first time I have ever felt lost. Unemployed, no more house, child support, 5 year gap from working,  family doesn't talk to me really, as they don't know what to say. It's normal and now I have Schizophrenia and hormonal issues. No period after 42 and homonal issues plus early Menopause. What a load.  I sometimes I just get so terrified that I cry like like a baby. I tell myself that this shall too pass. At lease that is what my grandma would tell me. So I try to believe it.  I have a lot of good energy in me and when I'm happy things seem to be better but it's hard to play game happy when you wear your emotions on your sleeve and I'm in a whirlwind in my mind. My voices can be so awful that they play with my self esteem, motivation, how I see and receive others, and tell me just horrific things. For instance, just a week ago they were asking me about getting a job, calling me a losser, Im stupid; for leaving my past boyfriends and husband's, because they would of been able to financially take care of me and I wouldn't be poor, my boyfriend is going to leave me or sleep with someone else, that when I die I'm going to get bludgeoned to death. That's just last week. How much more can I take? I asked myself and wonder why God thought I was so strong that I would be able to handle this. Who knows right? They had me so terrified 😨 I couldn't hardly breathe. I felt like I was at deaths door. I asked myself where does all this come from. Then I realize,  that question will never be answered.. If anyone you know of or if you are experiencing talk to someone and don't let "the voices," contain you in misery, shame or fear. I have my boyfriend and it's not easy to tell him about whats going on but I have found that if I just walk through it with him most of the time it will lose grasp over me and at least let him have the chance to correct what is real and what is not.

Gotta go for now  boyfriend brought me icecream 🍦 take care 🙂❤😋.

p.s. If you need someone listen to you or if you need to talk please reach out and email me or give someone else the opportunity to help you get through the rough patches.  I check my emails often.

Thank you for letting me share ♡

》Brandy Renfrow

My Reasons & Life Changes

1.  
2. 

   
   
3. I just love working with shapes especially in 3D. Microsoft's 3D and Paint work very nice together.
4. Just wanted to share. 
5. I still need to edit it a bit still.
6. Breathe
7. I have found that there aren't too many support groups out there in our areas for schizophrenia. I feel schizophrenia needs it's own because our disorder is all internal. Nobody else hears what we do or see for that matter. It all takes place in the mind. It's a special thing when you can trust someone or people with your priceless thoughts and not be judged but ony to help by the experiences they go through on a normal basis as well. I know I need the support and I was hoping others do as well. I see it more like a specialized social group. I have also thought that if others lived too far away or couldn't make it in person we could have a GotoMeeting or Skype group via online. If you have any questions or ideas please feel free to contact." I see that nobody has commented. I would sure like to know what your thoughts it feelings are while reading my blog. Don't worry no pressure. I feel like I'm getting cyber bullied and someone is trying to take my blog. Google never gave me renewal for my domain. That right there kinda tells me they don't like me or my blog and what it's about. That's why my domain name is back to blogspot. Also, in Facebook it has been taken over by the Hindu people with their language on my page. Facebook won't fix it and now I have Italian as the language for my blog! I really feel that I'm being harassed. They sure aren't doing anything about it or to fix it. 
8. It really makes me sad not to mention raise my anxiety level.Its hard enough for me to have self esteem, be happy and function. I just about ready to call cyber security on this whole situation. Lucky for me that I did find a phone number in my phone in case of cyber security. I sure hope I dont have to call but I think that where this is headed. 
9. The move was a success and we are in a better place now.  I was so stressed out and that just increases my voices to be worse.
10. Because all my stuff in my house 🏠 was either destroyed,damaged or stolen, I now have to buy everything over. I had a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 Bathroom house all furnished. It still really blows my mind when I think about it. So with the little money I have
11. left I have to get a bed. Sleeping on the floor is no treat.  
12. I have been thinking of poems, so I have written them and shared them with you. I think they are cute. I'm going to try and write to do more like that. Dont forget I do have freebie stock photos for you. Mostly plant life but they are pretty. 
13. Christmas is coming here straight away, so If I don't get to say Merry Christmas to you here it is.

Merry 🎄Christmas & Happy New Years

A Hero

 

                       It's all in a quil   

                     by the flick of the wrist

                        and ink to paper

                         You're a genius

                      and some say a poet

                     Your Johnny Hancock

                         signed and legal

                          Your legit and 

                     Success becomes you

                        Congratulations 

                            my friend

                                                  

                                       

Stronger

Big Red Nose

A Kiss

International Help Center | Suicide Stop

If in need please call. I just found this website and wanted to share.

Suicide Stop | International help line

Curve ball or Foul? Life and its mysterious nature.

I'm having to rewrite 😕 what I had written but for some reason 🤔 it did not publish and disappeared. I'm kinda heart broken 💔 about it. So here  goes. 

I haven't written in a while because I have been having issues with my medication. I'm trying to not take as much as it makes for a difficult time going number two in the bathroom.TMI I understand but it is a fact of life for me. Doctor has even given me stuff to drink to make it easier because I'm suppose to go every three days at least.I'm telling you the truth when I say sometimes it not until 3 weeks to a month. I get very bloated and just feel very sluggish. That in turn makes things harder with my auditory hallucinations. I know that I should be taking all of them but I think sometimes they need to get reevaluated. My doctor appointment is coming soon so this U will have to bring up. Something that disturbed me too. I was reading on the back of my perception bag that they are monitoring my medication on how much im taking. It looked like to me that it was relating it to my lifespan and how it will effect me over time. Kinda of spooky. I know they have side effects some which I myself wish we didn't have to deal with. I was told by my doctor that some of the medication cause symptoms of cebral palzie and give you twitching or un controlled muscle movements. Kinda spooky huh? I'm already afraid of getting Demetia.  Last week it was so bad I felt like U was at deaths door. You see they tell me things about a lot of subjects and some after very scary. Like about life, how I look, telling me I'm ugly, that I'm a lover and about the relationships I have and their opinion about them, and  how im going to die. It really works on my nerves and self esteem. I have a hard time all over 😪trying to ignore them but it tears me down so much it feels real that what they are saying is true. 

It really doesn't help too when my connection to my blog gets disconnected. My analytics get all messed up and imI feel like it is a personal attempt against me. I realize that talking and writing about my life and this topic about Schizophrenia is controversial. I do to have the freedom of speech as well as expressing myself in order to provide some therapy to my own healing. In turn  hoping others can relate and maybe get some relief from it as well.  

I'm very green and  are still learning.  With my disability it makes it tougher for me to succeed at it. Iam trying, lord knows that. 

I'm very thankful 🙏 that I do have this outlet and know others are readingt it and coming back.

When it rains it pours. We were just told a week and a half ago we have to move out. Bad timing with Covid and Christmas here. So that has been stressful but we did find a place but way out of the city. My boyfriend is disabled and I have my issue so paying high rent is our of the question. I also have to quit my job as it an hour and a half now commute. I really like it there and wish I didn't have to leave. See it was through mental health. I will now hope to find another job, so fingers crossed. I wish I could make money doing this or writing ✍. Probably not though as my writing is a bit disorganized. 

I do want to say that I did put up some photo freebies of stock photos  if anyone wants to download. Just some that I took pictures of in San Luis Obispo downtown here in California, USA. The plant ones are from my work and the others walking around town. I do have some that I'm going to post from Cuyama. 

I do have some exciting news. I have signed up for my name to go to Mars on the next trip through NASA. It's

completely free. I even have a ticket for it. Click this link. NASA, Send your name to Mars.  This is a picture of the new baby star that's in space right now. They made a poster about it.

You should go and check it out. 

It's a great icebreaker and story for

 the kids.

Plus, I'm sure they will want their 

name to go too.

I hope everyone is doing well and 

staying safe. That's it for now. 

Stay tuned for more content. 

Important Update, US Department 🏬 of Labor and OSHA compliance.

Hi all,

Just wanted to party this for everyone. Int use important and if you could take the times to look over. Winter has about here and safety 🦺 comes first 🥇

https://www.osha.gov/dts/weather/winter_weather/US Department of Labor

Enjoy yourself through rejuvenation.

My Bodyspace at Bodybuilding.com

                             

 I just wanted to let people know that I was a bodybuilder for some time. I was training 5 days a week for about two years seriously. I dieted and followed programs and did it all on my own.  The reason I got into body building is because like a lot of women I was feeling insecure about my physical image. Not only that I had an eating disorder starting in high school and it lasted for eleven years.

Not until the birth of my daughter did, I allow my body to grow and be nourished like it should have been. I had it really bad. I not only was anorexic but I was bulimic too. I was averaging about 95 pounds to at the most about 110. It is one of the worst thigs I think I have ever put myself through. It is an obsessive compulsion disorder I would not wish on anyone.  I was blessed when I was 29 to get pregnant with my daughter and for some reason it was lifted. That and I was afraid of throwing up with a baby inside me and not to feed the baby either. So somehow, I was able to eat small portions and watch everything that I ate.  I was able to get through my pregnancy without having the problem with my eating disorders.   

I did not know when to come out and tell everyone this about my past but I don't see why I should hold it back. I have been through many different traumas in my life including being raped. I just want you to know so if ever anyone has any questions and would like to talk, I am available and have been through quit a few things myself. I do need to get back in the gym and wish they would open up. I'm the type of person who needs the gym and loves the free weight room. I love to strength train as I feel that if you have a strong body your mind will be as well and vice versa.  I used and still frequent the site often for training tips, food ideas and inspiration, not to mention they have pretty good prices to buy supplements. The site is called BodyBuilding.com.  I have what is called a Body Space where you post your progress photos and monitor your   weight and measurements. Plus, there are so many people on there doing the same thing and who are very inspiring and can be helpful with any questions as well. I started out with the Jaimie Eason program. She is great for women. She provides a training program along with a diet to follow.  She does this for women and men. I found her program to be very useful and I saw results very quickly.  My username is Imagynationkey, and you can view my progress photos and well as my gallery in my body space. All you have to do is search me and there it will be with all my stats and what I was doing then. It was back in 2012 and I'm just looking forward to getting back into it again.        

At this time I had my long blonder hair and I'm just waiting for it to grow back. In 2017 I suffered a chemical burn and my hair was damaged to the point that I have to shave my head.

I encourage anyone who is at a plateau or just would like to get motivated by a little pep talk to not be shy to ask questions, I do not have my trainers license and I have never done any shows and that is because I was doing it for myself and I'm' very shy. Too scared to get up on stage. I just have the knowledge that I used to train myself and feel great doing it.

Thanks for letting me share and remember I'm only an email away or just leave me a message.