This is way too cool!

I just loaded up Blogger and now I can edit my blog without an app.  I just have to say thank you. I just don't even know what to do with myself now. 

I just looked and it hooks up to Google Photos too. WOW!

Big cheers to the Blogger team and Google for making this available.

Task by task.

I haven't been very good at updating lately. I haven't been feeling all that up to par as the voices had been getting louder. I disguised this with my doctor and she raised my Abilify to 30mgs. Also, we added Miralax so I'm able to exercise those demons at least every three days. This medication is terrible for clogging me up. 

Enough of that, Growing grounds is going rather well. I found a nest with some eggs last week and posted it on Facebook.  Found out from Google Lens it was the American Robin who laid them. I was also educated by one of the girls that this weed I had been pulling is high in antioxidants and Omega 3. Purse Lane is its name and it grows everywhere. I did taste it and not to bad, seemed to me like wheatgrass.

I did have a setback as I was denied social security disability. I have appealed but hoping my mind will give me a break as I will probably have to find a second job. The medication makes me so tired. I hope things turn around for me on that issue.

All in all, I love the picture above. It's one of those reminders I need sometimes.

My house has also hit the market. It is officially up for sale. Bittersweet I tell you. 

I wish I could stay but I guess it's time to say goodbye to it coming soon. 

Who knows what's going to happen with my life. I'm trying not to think too far ahead and just try my best day by day.

Growing Grounds

I finally got a picture of their sign. Today was a good day even though at first it was cold  The rain brought the ever so not wanted weeds. We weeded today for uggg three hours. Somebody's gotta do it though right? It's easy to say I got my fill of weeds for the week. I did it again and forgot my gloves. I was so mad at myself because no only did I have to weed without them,  we weeded Atlas which is mostly cactus. My poor hands but I will heal. If I didn't explain it before Growing Grounds has their plants separated by the planets of the solar system. Kinda cool way of organizing. We have some beautiful plants I haven't ever seen before and it's always cool when we plant the babies. Tomorrow will be my last day of volunteer work and then I'm officially on the payroll. Yeah me! 

These Darn Holidays, tisk tisk

I hate to be a downer in such a holiday as Easter but I feel sad. I feel sad because we'll to be quite honest my family doesn't know me anymore and really aren't wanting to it seems like. Ever since I knew something was wrong with me and then of course getting diagnosed schizophrenic my family has been very distant. Probably most of that is my fault as I wasn't really myself and yet still I don't really feel myself either. In all honesty not being myself is probably because I'm not anymore and won't be. This journey my life has taken me is often lonely even though for the most part I'm around people. I stay to myself really a lot as what I call "the chatter" keeps my distant inside. If that makes any sense. This is why I have been reaching out trying to find other schizophrenics to talk to and hear from them how they cope and are able to overcome and get out of themselves. It's difficult to explain to a "normi" what it's like for me. I really would like my family to join me in some therapy but I don't know how to bring it up nor approach them or the situation at all. I so desperately feel the need to find some closeness and understanding from both point of views, theirs and mine. I'm struggling with all that I have lost and where my life is going. How everything is even going to possibly work out. I just try and stay positive but the tears find themselves still falling down my face. That I know doesn't help and I do try not to dwell and find something else to focus on. Please if anyone knows of anyone else who is open to it I would really love to hear from them it would help a lot. Thank you for letting  me share and taking time to read this.

Growing Grounds

I'm excited to say that I get to volunteer at a place called Growing Grounds where they have cut flowers and plants. If everything works out there I have the opportunity to make this a job. 

Updates

Hope House for March is pretty much done and still their doors will be closed until probably late May. Although, they are setting up to do online groups in a couple of weeks with Microsoft Teams. That also means that The Spring Job Club 2020 will be postponed until further notice. They will still have it and they are going to have another Job Club that is going to be more one on one that will be more intense but you will get payed to attend. The main office number to find out when they re-open their doors and when the Spring Job Club 2020 will commence is (805) 540-6500 ext. 0. Obviously, only those who qualify will attend.


Please be kind.

While on was in Havasu, AZ I had a breakdown and had to go to the hospital. They gave me this information:

Terros Health 24/7
NO-COST
Mobile Crisis Services
1-877-756-4090
Integrated Cares Crisis Line operated by Crisis Response Network

Southwest Behavioral Health Services 24/7
1301 West Beale Street
Kingman, AZ 86401
1(928)263-6515




Please be kind.

Announcement

 Provider Directory & Mental Health Plan Beneficiary Handbook

Please contact me as I do have the Behavioral Health Clinics and Contract Providers for Mental Health Services information available. (805)266-0147

Please be kind.

Slo County Behavioral Health South County

Mental Health

354 S Halcyon, Arroyo Grande

(805) 473-2105 (Youth Services)

SAFE: 1806 E. Grand, Arroyo Grande

(805) 474-2105 (Youth Services)

1350 E Grand, Arroyo Grande           

(Adult Services) (805) 474-2154

Drug & Alcohol Services

1523 Longbranch, Grover Beach

(805) 473-7080

Join Team Schizo

Need a listening ear or just to be able to talk and someone listen? I'm schizophrenic and invite you to join group Team Schizo @ www.facebook.com/survivemyselftoday

Announcement

Google Business Website

I'm so proud to say that I have my Google Business website Live! Visit https://schizophrenia-life-today.business.site

As far as non-profit status it's going to cost some money. If you can donate please call or message me at (805) 264-0147  so I can get us our W3 (c). 

Enjoy the website and please share if you know anyone who could benefit. -B

Spring Job Club 2020

 Today I have enrolled in the Spring Job Club 2020. It is a free program to all interested that starts Tuesday, April 7 through May 19th. Hours of the class are 2- 3:30pm. at 784 High St., San Luis Obispo, CA. Please RSVP to Garrett Frice @ (805) 305-3172.
I have found. out that as a schizophrenic and others in my situation have alternative job resources. Hope you will join us.
Please be kind.

Hiring? Please click My Resume to view my qualifications and experience.

My Resume

Stressful Times

This is all too real for me.

There has been so many times when I have felt like this. Sometimes they would be so loud that I would be on the floor with my hand over my head screaming to ask to make them be quiet. I would take long walks and just talk to myself. I would be gone for hours but it helped to relieve the volume. If that makes any sense. It almost seems as if you can't keep up or your brain has estranged itself from you. Sometimes they say the meanest things and the lies that it tells you. I do have to admit the voices do tell you do certain things. Depending on the situation. I guess it's like you coming up with a good idea. So I can see why the doctors would ask the questions they do. If your brain is telling you certain things about others or yourself it can be very stressful because they come in different voices sometimes to match people you actually know. I actually have barricaded myself in the bathroom and my friends had to call the police to get me out.

Disability & To be Disabled

Aw ha, we are here now about to be talking about a subject way off the charts. To be disabled or not to be as a schizophrenic at 45 years of age. That there are questions within questions. What is it to be disabled? The reason why I ask is I'm going through this right now. I have filled out all the paperwork and have gone to all the doctor appointments and gave them their paperwork to sign and fill out. Who is going to make this very special decision and how? Not to mention when. I have been living like I'm homeless for I don't know for how long now. I hope the decision comes through soon so child support can get that other paperwork and that decision process rolling too. So many things at one time. Please grant me the serenity to see this through too as it shall pass as well and all will be good.

Schizophrenic, Who me but how?

Who knows how the world and God works these days. I have been asking myself this very question for almost three years now. They say from what I have been reading it happens to 1 out of every 125 people. Are you kidding me right now, I'm that person. Really?
The next thing you want to do is blame the family. LOL....right isn't that another explanation they give, it's heredity? So I look at the family and my cousin from my mother's side has it. My Uncle from my grandma had it as well. The major traumatic event sent him over the edge. My grandma was only six months pregnant with my mom when he was killed. so we were never prevea to the medical nor the family history.

Trauma, I have had my fair share of trauma with being raped and losing loved ones. Whatever the case may be the end result is now I have obstacles I would have never thought I would be challenged with.  
With that said, I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful fiance who is my best friend and great doctor now. Getting the doctors and the right meds I believe is hard but not as hard as getting diagnosed because we know so little about it. I'm very grateful for my support teams and systems we have in place now along with communication and patience we can work through anything. The big one is the medication. Getting that on point is one of the keys to success to see this through and have a quality of life worth living and celebrating future forward with my loved ones. 

Top Three Questions

As a schizophrenic, there are three questions we are constantly asked. No matter what these questions always get asked from everyone. 

1.  Are you feeling suicidal?
2.  Are you having feelings of hurting yourself or anyone else?
3. What are the "Voices" saying to you? 

If you answer yes to any of these please talk to someone or call a hotline.

Just breathe, stay calm  & know your not alone.

Am I Feeling Competent?

With All this going on I have to remind myself:

If so this is how I back it up to justify it with a list of accomplishments during the ay.

• Personal Hygiene CompletedCooked breakfast and ate
•  Cooked breakfast and ate
• Organized my clothes
• Washed dishes
• Bed made
• Colored
• Wrote on website
• Took Notes on subject stuying
• Organized paperwork and folders
• Ate dinner
• Store for snacks
• Bedtime was before midnight

With that list I can feel pretty good about my day.

AuditoryHallucinations

The overwhelming nature of it is combustive.

I never would have thought that at some point in my life I would be dealing with this. Being a busy body and always being on the go this really has taken me by surprise like a curveball. It has been very difficult and exhausting dealing with "The Voices" all day long. It's no wonder in my paperwork it advises getting as much sleep as possible. They weren't kidding. Imagine having a house full of kids all by yourself and they never go to bed or give you a break. The worst part is that most of it are just lies or my brain working off my insecurities, apprehensions, thoughts maybe I would have, I'm really not sure. They do get you all worked up and it takes a lot of myself to sort through my own thoughts versus the things my brain is trying to feed me. 
One of the worst is that it messes with my memory and how I recall what has transpired in the past. These voices get drilled in my head over and over in different ways that I get confused and misdirected. Sometimes even the stories tell me a far fetched. I do have to say some of them are good. There are voices that encourage and compliment but then there are those which lie, say mean things about others and myself. They will tell my lies even about my own fiance. It has impacted my relationship so much at certain times that we have broken up. I'm very thankful that he loves me and has stood by me knowing that it's not me to believe the crazy things they tell me, act in such irrational ways, or have psychotic breakdowns.  Not to mention talking to myself. That is the other obstacle because I can sit here and have conversations with myself all day long. In a way, it's good because it feels like I'm never alone yet it's not fair to him because then he never knows if I'm speaking to him or them. I have to catch myself sometimes because it's really easy to fall into some of the conversations my mind is having. It's like having an estranged brain. I know that sounds way far out there but it's true. I do wake up every morning hoping that they won't be there but as a loyal dog they are. they can be so mean that I will just start crying out of nowhere. It has got to take a lot of patience and understanding to be directly involved with me.