These Darn Holidays, tisk tisk

I hate to be a downer in such a holiday as Easter but I feel sad. I feel sad because we'll to be quite honest my family doesn't know me anymore and really aren't wanting to it seems like. Ever since I knew something was wrong with me and then of course getting diagnosed schizophrenic my family has been very distant. Probably most of that is my fault as I wasn't really myself and yet still I don't really feel myself either. In all honesty not being myself is probably because I'm not anymore and won't be. This journey my life has taken me is often lonely even though for the most part I'm around people. I stay to myself really a lot as what I call "the chatter" keeps my distant inside. If that makes any sense. This is why I have been reaching out trying to find other schizophrenics to talk to and hear from them how they cope and are able to overcome and get out of themselves. It's difficult to explain to a "normi" what it's like for me. I really would like my family to join me in some therapy but I don't know how to bring it up nor approach them or the situation at all. I so desperately feel the need to find some closeness and understanding from both point of views, theirs and mine. I'm struggling with all that I have lost and where my life is going. How everything is even going to possibly work out. I just try and stay positive but the tears find themselves still falling down my face. That I know doesn't help and I do try not to dwell and find something else to focus on. Please if anyone knows of anyone else who is open to it I would really love to hear from them it would help a lot. Thank you for letting  me share and taking time to read this.