Concert with translator for the deaf!!!!

Awesome Concert!!!

Just what the Dr. ordered!!!

Just came in from Amazon via UPS! 

I found these cards while surfing around the net and think they are fabulous! I'm going to see how they affect my sense of well being and make posts accordingly. I'm positive this is going to be uplifting. Hopefully inspire me to write more often.

My Regime

This is what I call my Green Monster Machine!!! Packed full of all kinds of goodness. This keeps me lean and full of energy considering I have to take all those darn meds. I have been through so much with my body changing for various reasons that I try to fill it with as much nutrients as possible. 

My Latest Favorite Past Time

My Redecor Designing Experience

Design Star Venture

A light has gone off and for me interior design has helped tremendoulsy. I have developed an design appittude; experienced and learned so much from competing in these two games. It forced me to research and focus which in turn relieved anxiety and depression. It did come with it's fustrations yet overall the positive output out weighs the negative and I have been inspired and grown so much in this discipline. I have been experiencing an overall better sense of well being and feeling like a kid right before Christmas or thier birthday to find out the outcome of the challenge set before me.

 In the essence of Giving Tuesday, I give much thanks to the developer/s 🙏🙌😀 and Google Play. 

Above are the two links to some of my designs which are in some fabulously creative, streamlined, flops and bloopers. I ask only that you are kind and not make comment in less you have something nice to say or constructive criticism. 

Have a wonderful holiday!

Healthwise [Non-profit📈]

Healthwise

Disabilities & Gender Idenity (GUCCI)

Disabilities & Gender 

Its a Hard Enough Life

Burning the MId-night Oil

I’m just going to start out by saying, I’m hungry! I have this stay plate in the bridge of my mouth now. I have lost all but one molar left on the bottom of my mouth. All my fault though you see. If I hadn’t thought that it was a good idea when a friend of mine whom happen to be a cheerleader told me how she maintained her weight. She simply said she would just throw up. No big deal. I was a flabbergasted at the time being only a freshman in high-school and never heard or thought of anything like that before. I took what she said in that moment with a grain of salt and forgot about it but I did feel bad for her. Wondered why anyone would want to do that on a continuous basis especially on purpose. Little did I know that when I became a sophomore the pressures of being skinny and having boys take notice of you is so prevalent. What I did t realize is that I would remember what my friend had mentioned to me and I would actually act on it. My friend and I where in gym class and weighed ourselves and thought we needed to loose a few pounds. So we decided to make the decision to diet and workout to loose those pounds together. Looking back at it now, we were not over weight but merely as they would say a little thick. Well, weight didn’t seem to come off soon enough and that dieting made me even more hungry so I would eat more than I thought I should have and then feel guilty. Weighing myself constantly, I just couldn’t be satisfied with a small enough number on the scale. Always thinking I was fat. Even at the mere weight of a hundred being 5’4″ wasn’t skinny enough. Talk about a distortion of self. I carried on this behavior for eleven years up until I got pregnant with my daughter. I would throw up even just a few plums or some peas by themselves. I didn’t just purge I was anorexic too. Trying to have that control I was so spinning out of it. I once was in the shower and I almost passed out and my limbs went knumb and I saw stars. I was taken to Urgent Care by my grandma and they hooked me up to an EKG. I could of had a heart attack. You see, when you throw up like I did you loose potttasium and you can have a heart attack. I would throw up until it was all out of my stomach and all that was left was biel. Talk about gross and VERY BAD for your teeth. I didn’t realize that then because no one knew and I was totally unaware what the consequences could be to my oral hygiene. Didn’t help that I was afraid of the dentist too and at that point after loosing a tooth when I got pregnant and another cracked I was ashamed and embarrassed. I finally did face the music with the dentist but by that time I had to have four teeth pulled. So not cool. It was bad though. You know its bad if your throwing up in the sink cause the toilet won’t flush it all the way down without evidence. I was a bit of a fool to think that my family didn’t suspect but no one knew how to approach me about it I later found out so it just continued to happen. I was 17 and didn’t stop until I was 29 years old. I didn’t want to loose my baby so I just watched what I ate and said the hell with the rest. Walked everyday and just took each day one at a time being careful to not forget and just act out of habit. That’s the worst thing about the disease is that it becomes like second nature and you do it without even thinking about it. It a obsessive compulsive disorder I would not wish on anyone. I still to this day have to watch myself to be sure I don’t relapse. If you or anyone else has a problem that sounds remotely like mine please reach out and get help. Its scary to trust and mortifying to admit I agree but it is vital that you understand that it is a very dangerous path. Today, I have only had some relapsing because I was gaining weight because of all the medication I have to take. I sense reeled it in and I constantly have to monitor my thoughts and behavior. I’m sure not looking forward to wearing dentures anytime too soon. IM ONLY 47. Its a monkey that stays with you all the time just do your best to keep him off your back, so to speak for a better lack of works. Good luck and I now will let this rest along with my mouth. Eight more days and I can drink with a straw….Yeah!

Film Works

Volunteers Needed

 I was in mental health today and found this on the corner for whoever is interested.

Healing Powers

I know what your thinking, where has she been? A lot has transpired but I do have good news.

 My Bakers Cyst went down again and has stayed down. I stayed off it for the most part, I’ve it and just didn’t exercise that much at all for a bit. I also have been taking peptides and collegian plus super food. I drink a shake every morning.  Here’s the recipe:Cup and a half of frozen fruit. Add fresh fruit to it if you have it, Almond milk, fruit juice of your choice and then I used Alchemy Super foods drink, found at Amazon. I also used  Orgain. peptides and  collegian.

I call it my green machine and tastes great. I tell you I feel so much better and so have lost fat not just weight. I think they helped me but I’m sure the other contributing factors had something to do with my healing. I was really scared that that bump was going to stay on my leg forever. It didn’t hurt but I could see it and it’s not that attractive to have. Plus, it kinda bothered me and would put pressure on the back of my leg behind my knee. Not fun. Thankful it’s not inflamed. I’m watching what I eat that I’m not compelled. I have had to watch that monkey that’s on my back. It can rear it’s ugly head at anytime.

My disability finally came through and at the same time a few weeks later my unemployment came in, You see I worked a lot of the time that I was waiting for my disability. I waited a long time for my unemployment and thought for sure they forgot about me and if I was ever going to get to talk to someone. You all know how that was. A bit scary as we had to move to Cuyama after my land lord gave us notice right before Christmas and my boyfriend don’t make very much money. It’s was a good thing I still had some monies from my house being sold. We were lucky that a girl he knows knew of a place we could go. One problem though. He had to level out the house first. Talk about a job. Do just so we had a roof over our heads we asked the landlord if we could stay there while he leveled it out. Luckily he said ok. 

My boyfriend had to go under this house and put wood and cinder blocks to get it to sit level so that the house wasn’t tilting or crash in. Standing in and walking in a unleveled house can make you dizzy. It messes with your equilibrium. We also painted and he put a sink in the bathroom plus flooring. That was alright though yet a lot  of work. 

I have never thought I would live off a highway. I would drive down highways and wonder  about people that did and now, it’s me who people probably wander about. The rent is good but not we don’t have water. He has to go get water just about everyday for showers and flushing the toilet and washing dishes. You know like running water. We’ll have to do that until the landlord gets a hold drilled down. It’s a cute little house though and we are comfortable. 

I have been filling my days with coloring in my books.I did a little Disney and now some anime. I’m using coloring pencils and gel pens, I was using markers but they left a yellow stain on my pictures. Really weird and I’m kinda bummed out about it, I really liked those. 

Mental health appointments are steady every month. Switched my meds again but that is the norm. They sure don’t help sooner things but I’ll tell you that I don’t cry as much. My sex life has slowed down. It’s hard to have an orgasum. Kinda sucks, Get too that point t just can’t reach it, most of the meds B are like that though. My weight has stayed better. I don’t feel like I have fluid under my skin like inflammation, I do get dizzy if I’m not careful getting up to soon. My auditory hallucinations are still there morning and night. Sometimes they are quite and I get moments of silence, I have watched some things on You Tube and they said sometimes they just don’t go all the way away. So I have just resigned myself to them.

I do get down and out plus my self esteem takes a dump because they just aren’t very nice sometimes. They work on your weaknesses and insecurities. It’s like having your own personal bully in your head. Sometimes I just wonder how I’m going to be able to take life like this if it happens for my whole life. If this is what my life is going to be like, that really sucks! I think it’s going to lessen my life span from all the agony and stress. I try to remain positive though and optimistic about the quality of my life. 

I have joint Blue Fever and Trill. I like them for a free reasons but mainly to feel better. Kinda another sense of well-being and therapy, I also been having fun on Snap Chat! I’m just addicted to taking Selfies with those filters. Cheap thrills are my game what can I say. When you live in the middle of no wear a good time is hard to find. Tumblr and Instagram I used too. I have Pinterest but haven’t spent much time in it lately. I did do some videos and put them on You Tube. Not much but for me it was an accomplishment.All this is. Thank you for being apart of it. Your appreciated!

PS. My hair is growing and the rod went out the window so I dyed it dark brown.I like it, maybe back to blonde in a year, will see.

 Hi there everyone. I have been on a whirlwind of comings and goings. Not to mention I have been trying to get this Baker's Cyst down as well. It's almost all gone but I do notice when I get on a high activity level it comes back. 

Kelly Slater : « Dix ans de travail pour créer cette vague ! »

Kelly Slater : « Dix ans de travail pour créer cette vague ! »: Kelly Slater lève le voile sur la désormais célèbre KS Wave, la vague artificielle parfaite qu’il a présenté dans un clip vidéo il y a quelques semaines. Dans une interview accordée à Todd Prodanovich, de Surfer Magazine, le 11 x champion du monde américain explique que le projet a été développé sur...

 

I made this video as a little reminder to myself but also because these are some of what as I use when I'm having a hard day. Somedays are better than others but when it's difficult I try to practice these. It's not easy especially when feeling down or full of anxiety. I just start at the top and remember that I'll be ok if I just give myself a chance. Thought I would share and hope they help you. 

Cause and Effect

I have had trauma and this article rings a lot for me. I have been rapped, I was bulemic and anorexic for 11 years, I lost all my hair from a chemical burn. Luckily it has grown somewhat back to what it was. Not as thick and the hair cuticle was damaged. I have been in abusive relationships, verbal, physical and sexual. All these things and occurances not to mention I had an alcohol problem for awhile I believe contributed to the issues I face today. 

I'm not social as I used to be at all. I used to go out everywhere and have a good time. In college I didn't have a care in the world except for making grades. I still then did my own thing for the most part. I would go out to eat, go to the movies, go dancing at the clubs, swim and scate at the beach, you name it, I was doing all on my own and sometimes with friends. I would run at least three times a week about five miles and then go swimming. No time for depression. Just school, homework, work or play. 

I wish that were today. Now I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, and Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia didn't happen till about 43 years of age. It's weird too because I started losing my eye sight at 40 and stopped having a period at 41. I still haven't had a period and I'm 47. Doctors say its just pre menopause but who knows. Just weird all of it happening one right after the other. 

Luckily, I had my daughter at 30 so I didn't miss out on motherhood. 

Im lucky I have this blog because it really helps me. Being able to express myself constructively is important. Hopefully I'm helping someone else realize they are not alone too. 

This article below is a good read. 

The-art-of-processing-un-packing-grief-and-trauma-in-the-brain

Check it out the Olympics!

Click here to see theTokoyo Olympics highligts on Wtop. I put it here because I just love the Olympics and think everybody should know what's happening. 

Summer Olympics Highligts

Try This Recipe

 

The Cat's Meow

This is Akea. I have always wanted to have a cat but I was allergic. My allergies have subsided ever since the testosterone and I don't seem t have that issue anymore. It's great. Now, he was supposed to be a she but it didn't quite work out that way. None the less he is a bundle of joy. His energy levels are kinda erratic but what can ya say. He is so much fun that I'm tickled pink. He just loves to play and so I had to make a few items by hand. Not to mention he sits in my pencil basket and on my page when I try to color. TOO FUNNY! This cat is a character. 

He's in the box. I think he wondered if he would fit. 

He even sleeps on me... LOL! 

Today & Everyday After

I had quite the scare a few months ago. I feel into a deep depression. I didn't want to do anything and nothing appealed to me either. I wouldn't get out of bed but to use the restroom and wouldn't go anywhere not even outside my room. Because of me being that way I lost a lot of muscle. I used to be a body builder so that for me was devastating to say the least. I became a bag of bones in a body that was just an empty sack. I was so out of shape that I became out of breathe just to take a shower. Not only that. I couldn't hold up my arm long enough to brush my teeth. I had to wait and sometimes for my arm not to hurt and hold up my other arm just to brush my teeth. I was in disbelief. It scared me and I felt very ashammed of myself. Not to mention embarrassed so much I tried and hid my weakness. How could anyone dare know that about me, right?

So, after I stopped beating myself up I decided I would do something about it. I started just by trying to walk around the room and pick up after myself. That was a painful task. Again out of breathe and very weak. It took me two weeks of just doing that not to get out of breathe in the shower and a month to brush my teeth with no bother. I also then picked up my 2lb weights and began my physical therapy.

Whatever you do don't do what I did and that is step ups on a chair for butt exercises. Especially in bad shape. I got a Bakers cyst in the back of my knee. That was a little painful but most of all I had a big hard lump there. I quickly read up on it and then again began physical therapy on myself with cold compresses and pressure with a shock tied around it. I did that for three days then I decided to massage it. I was afraid it would never go away or it would have to be drained. Guess what? When I messaged it and then later stretched I felt it pop. The darn thing went back into place. Not was I relieved. I was just left with some swelling.

Now I'm so glad I was able to pull myself out of that one. No more will I let myself get that way. My hope is to keep a positive body image, strong mind set and be proactive in staying positive and physically active. I'm taking my medication and things have been getting along nice now.

~Brandy Renfrow

Optimistically Acknowledging the Past, Present and Future

Optimistically Acknowledging the Past, Present and Futur

 One social media site of mine has been taken over by another language. It’s terrible because I can’t even read it. I have reported it, but it remains the same. Some of it is in English so I know it’s not my settings. I have tried to navi

The Affiliate Programme Migration Checklist

The Affiliate Programme Migration Checklist

Im really interested in this and Im hoping I can get something started. WISH ME LUCK!

May our thoughts be clear, and the heart beat the rhythm of saints marching.

 

Sitting here wondering where have I been? Nothing is for sure and the days and nights seem close together. Flowers on the wall as they were called. Speak from places unknown and seen. The march of the beat,  notes of music, sounds of whispers and incantations. The world of worlds left only in fables and tales of words that only bring meaning when you experience them. Your thoughts exposed and left out to air, pleasant simpletons yet also skeletons, Laughter of pity, sadness is theirs. Desperately yearning for an explanation that won't be sought or told. Though mighty ye stand and talk, chin up, clashes of hunger lashs your boat. Sun be high, horizon steady, winds set sail for new beginnings. Positive thoughts for the ball will may drop. Come in and play for these are the steps of mercy. No guessing or knowing the unknown is faulty. Be careful to lean and adjust is needed. For yes you do feel miles and strain as you have self-worth weighing on how to hold on.  The spirits are woken and shall take flight. Only then will it be told and shown where one has to go. Leaving a trail and mark of passage. Blessings be yours,  hope for forgiveness. One with yourself until the decisions are made. Waiting is now of what is to come, it passes by each day you breathe. Only time will tell the coming and goings of what the outcomes holds and consequences of your behavior. No pain did you cause other than to yourself. thers tormented and slyed your precious soul. O Desperitly seeking those clues and answers that appear to be real. The real seems obvious but in all actuallality its a blur. This is the test of your inner demons bursting with only to play and trick your heart in believeing hes right. You were born in the light of God so you were meant to do and be someone special. It takes the strength you have each and every day to face the challeges that lay before you. Inch by inch you will make it but only if you believe and not fake it. It all or nothing as they say go big or go home. Its that serious if you plan on being part of society. The hyper sensitivity is a gift so hold it close and guard it from evil. Be careful what you feed your mind as your elders were wise to to tell that to you before their time was of passing. Nobody is perfect and you will fall and make mistakes yet that is why your human and put here on this earth. Your job is to overcome with passion and fierce labor so that you may later show guidance to your kin and they will thank you later when they have offspring of their own. Bless you dear child as I know you are grown, tired and weak. Do your best and keep your thoughts postive so you may bring a smile to even a newborn's face. Relish in the laughter of goodwill. Cherish the momments you have and keep safe. If you find yourself down just remeber these words I said. Go now and get some rest , Ill be gone by the time you fall asleep. Dream beyond this world and heavens. Paint yourself a eventful life full of love and compassion. Engage and grow for you are a blessing to yourself and everyone you will come across if you keep your heart clear of temptation and cruelty. I whisper now as I'll leave you be. Count the many stars as your eyes close and your mind drifts. Your body is your temple so stay healthy and noble. Remember to always tell you loved ones you love them.

Salvador Doli, have we met?

     

Image from Bing

                      
 Half of my days lately have had me with my head down just holding my head and SCREAM I can't even explain the commotion and confusion it causes. I take my medication; I eat regularly but I do know I need to get more exercise. Being where I live there is a highway that goes through instead of a regular street in a neighborhood. The temperature is really cold and the wind burns my ears. We don't have a whole lot of room in our place to a whole lot. I do have small weights but that's just for my arms. well, enough complaining about that.

Next up, the internet has been a real subject with me. It has been so touch and go it can be very frustrating to do what I want to accomplish. They all talk about inclusion and personalized this and that but even the job placing companies are getting it wrong. I almost feel as if the are mocking me. I shouldn't feel this way but just like my family is they don't know what to say to me or even how to act so they just stay away for the most part. This Christmas I was shocked that my two sisters gave me a couple of present for me. Not to mention my mom seems to be coming to see me and call more often. 
I do have to tell you it has been very difficult to pay attention not just to what Im doing but anyone no one in partcular. My medication was just raised but like I told the new doctor now, I don't think they are going to go away and I'm going to have tp deal woth this for the rest of my life. That was pretty hard to say as my days are long and I miss it being quiet. You know when you just lye still and close your eyes there is nothing but silence. You are so LUCKY because I never get that. The most I got a taste of was just a couple of times. There was no sound and I was astonished. then just only a few seconds later they were back. A lot of people kina poke fun at this and end even my boyfriend trys to make light of it but I don't think its that funny. Not when your stuck like this and knew another way of life. Not to mention all the pills I have to take and the many times they have either changed it or uped the dosage. He said to me the other day when I said I need to pick up my presciption, "When are you going to be able not to take those. All they do is throw pills and more pills at you. You could pratically start a pharmacy." He just doesn't understand that my condition is real.  It's very depressing so I try to distract myself as much as possible with fun things our notable subjects. 
I hope all of you are enjoying my blog. Maybe sometime you can leave me a message. I don't have any friends of my own and it gets very lonely sometimes. We don't neccesarily have to be friends but it would give me some insight on how Im being received. I do have to mention I did sign up to write for the Medium. When I write my first story I will share it with you all.
According t Google Analytics throughout the year it has made it to 25 different countries. I was very impressed to see that. I know there is a STIGMA to my condition so I do understand you not wating to be affiliated with me. Nami right now is walking in different counties. The closet to mine which is Santa Barbara is Ventura. They ask people to make a pleadge to fight STIGMA. You can find them on the internet at www.NamiVentura.com for more resources or www.Namiwalks.com for the updated event. I really wish they had one here and I thought it would be a good idea if we had one in San Luis Obispo County. It would be great as they have a lot of streets that dont get a whole lot of traffic and could possibly shut down just for that event. If you decide to go please email me and send a pic. That would be the best present ever! Just kidding but it would definetly make my day and then I WOULD SMILE. Thats saying alot because when you smile you heal yourself and it changes your physiolgy for the good. I try to smile every day even if I'm feeling down. Well I will leave you with that and everyone have a cheerful day and make someone smile.