Today & Everyday After

I had quite the scare a few months ago. I feel into a deep depression. I didn't want to do anything and nothing appealed to me either. I wouldn't get out of bed but to use the restroom and wouldn't go anywhere not even outside my room. Because of me being that way I lost a lot of muscle. I used to be a body builder so that for me was devastating to say the least. I became a bag of bones in a body that was just an empty sack. I was so out of shape that I became out of breathe just to take a shower. Not only that. I couldn't hold up my arm long enough to brush my teeth. I had to wait and sometimes for my arm not to hurt and hold up my other arm just to brush my teeth. I was in disbelief. It scared me and I felt very ashammed of myself. Not to mention embarrassed so much I tried and hid my weakness. How could anyone dare know that about me, right?

So, after I stopped beating myself up I decided I would do something about it. I started just by trying to walk around the room and pick up after myself. That was a painful task. Again out of breathe and very weak. It took me two weeks of just doing that not to get out of breathe in the shower and a month to brush my teeth with no bother. I also then picked up my 2lb weights and began my physical therapy.

Whatever you do don't do what I did and that is step ups on a chair for butt exercises. Especially in bad shape. I got a Bakers cyst in the back of my knee. That was a little painful but most of all I had a big hard lump there. I quickly read up on it and then again began physical therapy on myself with cold compresses and pressure with a shock tied around it. I did that for three days then I decided to massage it. I was afraid it would never go away or it would have to be drained. Guess what? When I messaged it and then later stretched I felt it pop. The darn thing went back into place. Not was I relieved. I was just left with some swelling.

Now I'm so glad I was able to pull myself out of that one. No more will I let myself get that way. My hope is to keep a positive body image, strong mind set and be proactive in staying positive and physically active. I'm taking my medication and things have been getting along nice now.

~Brandy Renfrow